6th March 2012
Dear Cassi,
So I’ve been
rather morbid this week and that is because I’m to see the doctor soon. They
say it is darkest before the dawn and I hope that is true. What comes to mind
to me in this dark and brooding state is my stomach problems as a young man.
I recall some
group therapy session shortly after my mother’s passing that the therapist was
talking about expressing ones feelings. Then my cabbage aunt turned to me and
said “You through up your feelings,” and the family laughed.
The idea of
them all laughing at a child who has just lost his mother is rather cruel, but
those folks are a cruel bunch. They had disowned me in all but name before I
turned away from them and this was but another point on the plot of that
movement.
What the
cabbage had referred to was the fact that after visitation sessions with Alan I
would come home and vomit. This could have had something to do with the fact
that the old man would go to the local discount mart and buy all the candy his
three children could eat. It also could have had something to do with my
decaying mental state and the fact that Paul would never let me get a good
night sleep keeping me up with his stories.
Then, it is
beyond my ability to say that my parents splitting up didn’t have an impact on
my digestion. Then, the fact that my mother was undergoing chemotherapy and was
getting sick as well could have had a hair to do with this a well.
Still, it
kindles the fire in my head that they felt I was so badly off mentally and
found it funny. To laugh at the suffering of others is an ugly thing.
Stay safe,
little sister
Richard Leland
Neal
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