Monday, June 11, 2012
6th March 2012
So I’ve been rather morbid this week and that is because I’m to see the doctor soon. They say it is darkest before the dawn and I hope that is true. What comes to mind to me in this dark and brooding state is my stomach problems as a young man.
I recall some group therapy session shortly after my mother’s passing that the therapist was talking about expressing ones feelings. Then my cabbage aunt turned to me and said “You through up your feelings,” and the family laughed.
The idea of them all laughing at a child who has just lost his mother is rather cruel, but those folks are a cruel bunch. They had disowned me in all but name before I turned away from them and this was but another point on the plot of that movement.
What the cabbage had referred to was the fact that after visitation sessions with Alan I would come home and vomit. This could have had something to do with the fact that the old man would go to the local discount mart and buy all the candy his three children could eat. It also could have had something to do with my decaying mental state and the fact that Paul would never let me get a good night sleep keeping me up with his stories.
Then, it is beyond my ability to say that my parents splitting up didn’t have an impact on my digestion. Then, the fact that my mother was undergoing chemotherapy and was getting sick as well could have had a hair to do with this a well.
Still, it kindles the fire in my head that they felt I was so badly off mentally and found it funny. To laugh at the suffering of others is an ugly thing.
Stay safe, little sister
Richard Leland Neal