Your Ad for Scripts

Working in the cold. April of 2019.

 

 

 14^th February 2019

Dear Film Person,

I’ve read your ad for scripts that can be developed for under one million dollars. I believe I have three or four properties that I have at least the first draft of that fit your criteria. I’m currently a writer for a YouTube comedy channel called Absurd TV, and I have written their next twelve films. Absurd TV is currently not interested in full length films so they are unlikely to option any of these titles.

The first and most finished film in my selection would be “Walker in the Trees”. This would be a basic Horror film, not a true slasher, with a primary setting. This film opens with the story of a man haunted by his sister’s ghost after she is murdered. He goes to find her killers only for his friends to fall into their trap. It all sounds like a normal horror movie until it’s the killers who start getting picked off.

The next script I have is called “House Broken” and it’s an art piece. I’ve written it as a stage play so it would be a one location, in a house, film with minimal overhead. This does include singing and dancing, super heroes, and other rather crazy ideas that will make it stand out. This is the story of a man named Arthur who is tortured by his family until he can take no more and leaves for the military to escape.

The next up, of which I have only written the first draft, is “Never Will” a story about two women, best friends, who want to be screen writers in order for one of them to impress her crush. This is a romantic comedy about toxic friendship and will stand out among other romantic comedies as it is more the coming of age story of the girls.

I’m going to say to you what I say to everyone I work with: show me what locations you have an I’ll billed a story around it. If you don’t like the films I have I can write one for you in a short period of time.  I wrote “Walker in the Trees” in college after a professor told me that horror films are easy to sell. I wrote seven pages a day until I had the first draft.

To give you my background, I have a degree in psychology and work as a security officer. Yeah, that’s right, I’m one of the under employed masses of modern Americans motivated by that fact that I’ll put on a uniform tonight and sit in the cold and rain to make a living.

I met the director of Absurd TV on the job and within sixty days I was writing for him. In a year and a half I have cut his cost in half and he is now posting videos more than ever. If you’re looking to keep it on a budget I’m your man.

Best,

 

Richard Leland Neal

I am Bettering Lives

12^th June 2020

Dear (Social Service Provider),

Over the past year and a half I’ve been sent to a number of worksites ranging from truck lots to homeless shelters, and that’s where I ran into your company. I have always taken great pride in working with the homeless population, and many of my clients say they feel safer working with me than with other members of my team.

In the last week I have been complimented on keeping calm, and conducting myself with consistency and care. It isn’t always easy to keep your cool when you’re dealing with a mental health issue, but I always tell myself that adding anger to the situation will only make it worse. As a result, I’m often called to deal with difficult residents. 

However, in the cores of my employment the company feels I am more valuable to them working with large trucks rather than with our homeless population. To me, this work is just not as satisfying. 

When I work with the homeless I’m often told how I am bettering lives. My residents tell me how I help them get sober or find what they need to get a job. When I work with trucks they tell me I keep the yard in good order. It’s just not the same.

Now, I know I’m applying for a temporary position. My work in security will always be there for me when I’m finished, and if I miss my sixty hour work weeks I’m sure they will be willing to throw me a shift from time to time.

Don’t get me wrong, I like what I do, I just feel I can do something with more meaning.

 

Best,

Richard Leland Neal

 

Fire Reef

11^th November 2020

Dear Governor Newsom,

I’ve been a resident of the great state of California all my life and watching the wildfires burn is of growing concern. I sheltered in place but was almost trapped in my home by the smoke and ash. For now the economy is faltering and the tourists that make up much of the California economy are gone, but they will return, and we want them to find something better when they come around again.

Then I look at the burnt out buildings on the news and see the fire scorched husks of cars and ask myself if there isn’t something that can be done with the aftermath to lessen the likelihood or severity of the next fire. At very least some plan to help California pay for it all could be found in the wreckage of homes and businesses.

Then it came to me that not all of the state’s forests are susceptible to fire, they are all subject to climate change, but some grow where fire cannot reach. I write of our kelp forests which are of the fastest growing variety. Unlike a forest of trees, the kelp forests need something like stone or brick to anchor them in place. A burnt out chimney may not be of use to a new home, but it can provide habitat for sea creatures, and aid the kelp that will fight global warming. 

It would come to me that in the wake of the fires we have burnt out bricks that would go to the landfill. These could be used to expand our natural reef system and build the forests of kelp or at very least stop beach erosion. A large memorial reef could be planned with the burnt materials of lost homes and cars. This would benefit our environment, commercial fishing, and tourist trade. 

The fires have become a way of life here in California. We have come to accept that they will get worse every year. We need to prevent them as best we can, fight them as efficiently as possible, and heal stronger than before. After all, who would take a vacation in a state where the sun is blotted out with smoke?

Just a suggestion,

 

Richard Leland Neal

The Website You’re Listing On

26^th February 2020

Hay there Film person,

I read your ad for a low budget full length film and I love the fact that you know the website you’re listing on. I really hate people looking for top rank professionals here, and those looking to make a quick buck off a well known writer really baffle me.

In any case, I currently have two scripts that would be of interest to you. The first is a musical called “House Broken” and the second a romantic comedy named “Never Will”.

“House Broken” is a dark comedy about a man trying to escape his abusive family. It is written from his perspective with characters running around in super hero garb and bursting into song. The whole thing is written to take place in a very messy house with around seven characters. I’ve had extensive table readings on this film and it was seen as being a very interesting and funny film.

“Never Will” is the story of two friends who find a book on screen writing and use it to try and become rich to attract the man one of them has a crush on. This is a film with mostly female characters and is about those who put up their own barriers. What keeps the woman away from her love? Herself.

Now, in this film we enter a number of films that the girls are writing. Those would need to be changed to fit your needs, but as this is a comedy they can be played hokey to fit your needs.

Truth is one of your big ego people asked me to write a coming of age story so I wrote this which has a background of overcoming a toxic friendship. I don’t know how good it is, and I haven’t looked at it in years.

I have a few short films I could pull out but I’m mostly interested in getting a full length under my belt. You can find me on IMDB under Richard Leland Neal.

Best,

 

Richard

 

Modern Day Fairy Tale

24^th January 2020

Hello there, (YouTube Channel),

I just read your craigslist ad for a writer and watched some of your Fairy Tale Friday with the segment about Willy Wonka so far being my number one. I guess it’s the one I can relate to the best being a large man who has had to keep his hands off the sweets. I think cocaine would make me thin, but it didn’t work for Chris Farley did it?

In any case, you can see my writing credits on IMDB https://www.imdb.com/name/nm9030649/#writer

And watch some of my work on AbsurdTV were I write and voiced many of the characters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XSf-FCc6LY&list=PLCFgpl-HbKCakK8dfI5b6rh2YzAHgykMY . Many of my jokes reflect politics or current topics, I was writing comedy news, but cursing and sexual comments were prohibited.

After watching a few of your shows I would say what jumps out at me is the teased story of the woman who sued McDonald’s for too hot coffee. It sounds like a silly thing, but someone’s grandma was in the hospital for eight days. A segment based on that would put the joke on the audience for having dismissed the news without looking further. Old light on a new topic.

Another idea would be to write a story about the crappy movie “Mortal Engines” likening it to Disney. The movie sucked and Disney eating up all the other studios and making the same movies over and over again sucks.

I wouldn’t mind writing a fairy tale about any modern political figure. The film “Underwater” could be likened to the finances of modern Americans. We are all under debt and some big monster, in real life he’s Orange and stinks, wants to take what little we have left. Give me a topic, I’ll write you a script.

I also think it would be funny as hell if I hosted and episode. I mean, I’m a big funny looking fat dude and we could do a Farley joke about it.

Best,

Richard Leland Neal