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Monday, September 30, 2013

Testudines Snozed Mistake


8th of October 2012
Dear Cassi,
       
In all the idiotic things I’ve done in my life talking to Turtle Nose’s friends had to rank in the top ten. A fellow
who said he knows and has no like for you tried to get me to patch things up with our Testudines snozed mistake.
       
He went and contacted Turtle Nose who said he had no idea why our friendship ended. This a recant from earlier statements and an out and out lie. Well, lies are what he’s made of and I expected no less.
       
I told our messenger that I wanted to play a game. This game is called Yes, And, or Bullshit. Well, we got trough one round and I had to call bullshit. Turtle Nose put out as reasons for the end of our friendship that he had moved in with that long haired ashtray, that he had sexual relations with someone I knew, or that he had ‘forced cleanliness on my home’.
       
As I hadn’t remembered the first, didn’t know of the
second, and the third is just not true none of these could even be possibilities for the end of our friendship. Given also that they did not happen in close proximity to the events in question it makes no sense that he even looked to them. I believe that he knows good and well what he had done and as he said in the past he “Knew it was more than that” in regard to it being his refusal to get my name right.
       
I will grant you now the pain is gone and the anger fuels me. It fuels me like coal to a steam engine. It sets me in a motion that will serve me well in the coming time. The transgressions put against me are not a gifts or blessings, but they can serve a purpose just the same.

Find your fuel, little sister,



Richard Leland Neal


Friday, September 27, 2013

Fat Man in Water




7th of October 2012


Dear Cassi,


Once again I’ve dragged my ample posterior to the gym and taken two hours of cardio in the pool to jog my body back to life. I would call this success if it were not for the fact that I should have spent more time at this work.

It was not my lungs or heart that failed me but rather the connections to the meat of my legs at the ankles. The pain here claimed and slowed me and so I began to turn my body to lengthen my exercise.

I turned front from to side at first walking with one hip pointing forward. This action I kept at the end of each lap by turning in a new way, putting my back forward or offering the other hip. The practice worked and I kept it up till the pain became so unbearable that I could not cross the pool pointed in one direction.

At this point I stood from the water and found it hard to hold my

body standing. If it was that I had come accustomed to my lesser weight when buoyant or if I simply had nothing left to give I do not know, but I took some time in the hot tub to gain strength.

I’ve become so large a man over the passing years that had work and dedication fall short of my needs at this health business. Well, if the path I walk is hard the end of my travels we be all the more sweet.


Find the right trail, little sister,



Richard Leland Neal


Monday, September 23, 2013

Let the Pain Go



6th of October 2012
Dear Cassi,

Yesterday I heard a voice from the past calling out like a ghost bringing to life the pain that I have so long suppressed. It was one of Turtle Nose’s friends responding to one of my posts online. I haven’t heard from this woman in at least two years but our last encounter was a disagreement.
       
I recall she had posted something about an apartment
made to save space. I felt that all the casters and rollers were a bad idea. Things that would get old and worn out. It seemed in the nature of our disagreement that she was driving at something else so I never responded two her posts again. I could have been paranoid but I’ve been burnt by Turtle Nose’s friends before and had no interest in taking the chance.
       
Then there she was asking me to tell Pickles she said hello. Pickles sees his own face when he looks at Turtle Nose and his short comings revolt him so he has no wish to hear from folk of so poor quality as to call that fellow friend.
       
Our discussion degenerated into a conversation about your turtle nosed ex-husband and so confirmed that all this time she had paid me no attention. Why she chose to make her presence known now is beyond my reasoning but then that is the internet for you. So many folks from our past are just a few clicks a way and if we really called them friends we would have stayed in contact.
       
The one thing that is more than clear is that memories of your ex-husband and my ex friend afflict me like ulcers and put me in ill disposition. I have to change how I think and let that sort of thing run into the dust as it should have done years ago. This is why I write so many letters about him. It sets my mind at ease to think rationally.

Let the pain go, little sister,


Richard Leland Neal

Friday, September 20, 2013

Sad Words


22nd September 2012
Dear Cassi,

This morning a man told me the story of how his dog had died. I can’t say if he thought it was good conversation or if it was a pain he needed to rub, but he spent time he should have put to better use like sleep as he works two jobs.
       
In any case, he had said that the dog was his first real companion here in America as he came from another country and had left his family behind. This was a dog that chewed and swallowed just about anything that was left about and so he was a sickly dog.
       
This fellow told me of the expense of the animal vet bills and the fact that he had little money for this but would pay because of the love he felt for the animal. He said that he changed vets trying to find someone who honestly care for his dog.
       
Then he took the dog with him to a fishing spot and the thing got lost. He got a call from the animal control people who said he would have to pay a fee for animal recovery.  They took the dog to the veterinarian and the animal was in so poor a state that it was put down.
       
This end was inevitable. No dog lives forever and this one had never had much time in this world. Still, some folks never give up on something they love and others simply have no idea when to give up. Some of us, my dear Cassi, bravely stand against the storm. Our sacrifice is admirable in its own way but in the end will amount to nothing.

No when to come out of the rain, little sister,



Richard Leland Neal


Monday, September 16, 2013

Drudge On


11th September 2012
Dear Cassi,
       
The repairs to my home drudge on with the house unfit for sleep and the exhaustion held at bay only by my will. I can be thankful that Pony Girl did not make an appearance today.
       
I saw the vanities for my lavatories and they are cheap junk of wood so flimsy I could rip them out with my hand. I only hope they will be stronger when the counters are in. Then the vanity of the master bedroom wouldn’t fit the plumbing fixtures because it was too small.
       
The contractor had assured me that it would work and seeing the thing in place I could tell that it would not leave a gap on one side and I had wanted but a gap on both. This would make the room hard to clean and look rather ugly. To add injury there was a gouge in the pain on the vanity and so I demanded it be returned for one unbroken and fitting.
       
My wishes were obeyed by the workers but not by the contractor who called to tell me that it would be another four hundred dollars to correct the problem. I responded in the negative as I had no intention in having them install broken fitting in my home. Expecting to bill me for something that came out of the box broken is ridiculous.
       
First they fail to get permits and the job takes more time because they had to stop and wait for the inspector. Then I had to get my own smoke and Carbone monoxide detectors. Tomorrow I have an outside electrician coming to ground the pipes because the contract had not accounted for that problem.

Put them in their place, little sister,



Richard Leland Neal

Friday, September 13, 2013

Leviathan’s Blush


7Th September 2012
Dear Cassi,
       
Again the monster that would make leviathan blush was at my home today,
and again she spoke to me as if I had no reason to hold her in contempt. However, I was permitted the mercy of sleeping through most of her presents. It is as if I were encouraged to stand to the wall so that no one could see the knives they have put in my back or to put on a mask so the scars cannot be seen.
       
The questions I once held for the world of humanity now lie pulverized in the dust of things once standing. How can we stand to see those in the streets with no home covered with the filth of the world and suffering? How do children wander the night unlooked after? Why does the injustice of the world thrive when the better parts of the human spirit fall into disuse?
       
Because the human animal follows the path of least resistance and it is so easy to be cruel. Nature is cruel and we come from nature so our soul is cruel. Where in this world to we place the doers of evil? Well, we imprison them and put them about their thief fellows lorded over by other evil folks.
       
When Iron ore is put onto the fire is does not make steel. No the ore will turn to slag. We must add carbon to make steel of ore and so adding a thing that is not natural to make proper things. So, where is the carbon in prison? Guards, wardens, bars, rules, if it is there it is not enough to make iron from the slag of our society.
       
Further, to make stainless steel we must add nickel and such. To get what we want we must first look after the mix of things so well. To make strong mettle we most have the right elements. This is a simple idea. So then to make souls right we too need to bring together the right things.
       
Is my soul right? It mustn’t be for I have not had those things that makes a soul right put to me. Still, from slag can be made good steel, and from my soul can still be made a proper man.

Watch your pots, little sister


Richard Leland Neal

Monday, September 9, 2013

River of Blood


6th September 2012
Dear Cassi,
         
Drama runs on in my life like a river tainted with blood. I
came home to day to find the workers doing what workers do readying my home for the permit inspector. Then Pony Girl came. Her bloated hippo body wiggling and making the ground shake with its revulsion of her.
         
The work stopped on her word forcing me to explain to her that the inspector was on his way. She wanted permits so I dealt with it now she wants work to stop because she thinks they’re over billing.
         
I heard three estimates and this was the cheapest. These things cost money. Two weeks of the lives of seven people will be spent in the refurbishing of this home. Remodeling two lavatories, total re-piping, and one floor are all on the list of work to be done. These things are expensive.
         
Looking into things I think the over bill is around two
thousand dollars. Pickles has sucked more than that out of me before and so has Pony Girl. I guess when it was my money then they had no trouble spending.

Never let them grind you down, little sister,


Richard Leland Neal

Friday, September 6, 2013

Venting


4th September 2012
Dear Cassi,

In all the letters I send and the overall talking about my day I thought I was venting. To me these letters are the lancing of infected wounds, and as I watch with fascination the pus runs. Now it seems as they are something else to you.
       
You apologized for venting in your letter and here I had felt bad for venting on my own. We express pain in different ways I guess. I look back and laugh because I’ve no more tears to cry or sobs to utter. As a boy I cried a lifetime in the darkness.
       
I never new comfort for crying so I guess I left it behind. Then tears are they to wash our eyes and perhaps my eyes have been made clear. Perhaps my pain should be my own and I should keep it to myself. So far as I can remember expressing pain has never done well for me and so I have kept it as a thing within.
       
When the hair on my had was still soft as a boy’s should be my pain drew
laughter and my blood drew jokes. So when I am struck I stiffen and the pain sobers me. This is who I am so worry not if I cry no tears and cry no tears for me. In my time on this earth these thinks have been well looked after and so I move on to more functional bits of life.

Find your strength, little sister,


Richard Leland Neal

Monday, September 2, 2013

The Old Website


3rd September 2012
Dear Cassi,

The hell of my reality lingers on as it’s expected to and the heat is not forgiving. I can be thankful that the lucid dreams of the weekend faded fast and that today there is some progress.
       
Today I asked to have the old webcomic site shut down. That took only a few minutes as the old webmaster must have been at his computer. He had to have been hosting the site at home because of the lag it generated. He put together a poor excuse for a website and it was thought my folly to have asked him. Then they held onto it as if it was some bargaining chip in the game of friendships lost.
       

This fellow was a close friend of your ex husband and so was
untrustworthy. I couldn’t tell you how long I brooded over what I would say to the creep, but then my mind changed. Why say anything? What did I have to say to this fellow who had left a knife in my back? I want not his pity, nor have I any wish to see him again. 
       
As for convincing him that he is wrong…well, I think he knows. It is my experience that folks know they’re wrong and just keep going.
       
Pickles knows he’s wrong. I can see it written on his face. Turtle Nose knew he was wrong and loved every minute of it until perhaps when people started to look at him and wonder.
       
In this world, little sister, there is good and there is evil. There are those folks who just want to live and those who want to take what they can. It is my thought that evil loves to be evil.

Take joy in your good heart, little sister,




Richard Leland Neal