Friday, November 30, 2012

A Sad Moment


Anyone who has been reading this blog for any length of time knows that I have had a good amount of crappie moments in my life.

Well…haven’t we all?
20th November 2011
Dear Cassi,
   
In my last letter I told you about the day my mother died in spirit. Now it would be only write to tell you of the day she died in body.
   
I recall that day rather well. I was coming home from school with a cross word puzzle as home work and dreading it but looking forward to an in class film on Friday. I arrive home before the other children and found my father sitting on the couch and told him that I needed to bring something in do drink during the film.
   
He looked at me and said “you’re not going to school Friday.”
   
I asked why, and he told me “because that’s the day of your mother’s funeral.” Little did he know that I had come to terms with this inevitable event. In truth, I would not have wished my mother even one more second of the suffering she had felt waiting to die in that room.
   
I recall before the funeral the old man saying “I keep expecting someone to call and tell me this is all just a big mistake.” I couldn’t understand why he would say that given current events, but now I think he was just being selfish. He didn’t want the burden of looking after his children.
   
I remember that we went back to my grade school to tell them what had happen so they would know why I was absent. The school knew well my mother’s condition, and my absence would have made them worry. One of the things I knew even then was that even the horrible truth is better than not knowing.
   
I didn’t cry that day, because I felt there was no reason. If I knew what lie ahead of me that day I would have, I would have broken down and asked to be buried with my mother. Still, at least I know that one day there will be peace ahead of me.

Stay safe, Cassi,

Richard Leland Neal

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Act Like You?!


If you've read this blog regularly you know how I feel about college Professors. I’m not alone.

16th November 2011
Dear Cassi,
   
Today I ran into an acting teacher who volunteers at my work. I can’t tell you about the residents, but I can talk to you about this fellow who shared the most interesting story with me.
   
First he told me that he owns and runs a manufacturing company. He did get his degree in theater but admitted that if he really wanted to be an actor he would have moved to New York rather than go to college in that discipline.
   
He and I got to talking about my experiences as a theater student, and he said that he could relate. One of the requirements for his degree was to have stage managed a production at the college. To do that one had to interview with the director, and his story began as he was walking to the Professor’s office for said interview.
   
On his way to the stairwell he saw the director in question walk to the elevator, so he decided to follow. He got into the elevator with her and they got to talking. They spoke of nothing of interest just the humdrum of theater and the world of the arts.
   
As they talked the Professor twirled her keys on her finger. On leaving the elevator the coordination of talking, walking, and twirling proved too much for the Teacher, and her keys fell to the ground. The student picked them up and handed them back to her.
   
When the Professor learned that he was to interview for her Stage Manager she refused to see him, because he had picked up her keys. She felt that it was a sexist act and that she couldn’t work with a student who thought women were incapable of looking after themselves.
   
Women’s liberation is a wonderful thing, but every now and again the old hags make it lose its luster.

Stay safe, Cassi,


Richard Leland Neal


Monday, November 26, 2012

Intimidating Job Interview


Some time I need to get the list of common job interview questions and post them with my responses.


14th November 2011
Dear Cassi,

   
I have gone on the most intimidating job interview of my life. It was the second interview with these folks, and it was conducted by no less than three people. It was like facing a firing squad. Apparently, I was not only to be interview by their head of security but by the heads of two other departments.
   
The questions they asked were no different than those asked in the first interview. How do you deal with de-escalating a fight? What do you like in a supervisor? Basic things for security really, but it was more that I had to answer to the satisfaction of all three people that put me so off center.
   
I have to admit that I went in there not wanting the job. Sure, I wanted to work, but my unemployment is still coming in. The only reason I went on the interview was because I want to stop living on the state dollar.
   
If I didn’t walk in that little room and give it my best effort I would be no better than the people who I can’t stand. My college professors lived off tax dollars and didn’t think about who they were hurting. Their job is to imbue the economy with able minded workers, and they do that so poorly. I know there are people who could have returned to work but didn’t, and I understand turning down a job that is a step lower than a government check. This was a step up.
   
I walked out of there hoping that the other folks they interviewed were better off than I. I knew they had trouble with my references and thought the job was out of reach.
   
That was last week and my first day of work is today.

Stay safe, Cassi,

Richard Leland Neal 

Friday, November 23, 2012

Sharing Grief


21st November 2011
Dear Cassi,

   
So now I have written about the day my mother gave up on life and the day death claimed her. Now another moment, if you will permit me, is my return to school after the funeral.
   
It was a Monday, I will never forget that, and I attended class thinking that the world would go on. By this time I had turned ten, and at ten I was no wiser than I was at nine. Now I believe we put so much into the time of death that it is harder for us to return to our lives, but at the time I was unprepared for what would happen.
   
My mother’s death was terrible not that in it happened, but in those things that happened because of its happening. This would be the first of those sad events. I entered the class room thinking that all would be as it was when my 5th grade teacher called me to the front.
   
She told me, with the whole class watching, that if I needed to excuse myself to cry I could. I told her that I felt there would be no need for that, and to my surprise she broke down at that moment. She fell into my arms, and I as a young man had no idea how to react.
   
In my confusion I patted her on the back not truly understanding what was happening. I still fail to understand why she was overwhelmed by emotion. Why my own pain was felt so strongly by others I cannot say, but I assure you it didn’t help things.

Stay safe, Cassi,


Richard Leland Neal

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Day My Mother Died


This whole thing came from a conversation regarding my birthday were I had to explain why I did not celebrate the day.

I don’t know if these morbid topics make for good reading so maybe you can tell me. I have to tell Cassi because she asked but not necessarily tell you. So tell me what you think, do you want to see more letters like this?

19th November 2011
Dear Cassi,
   
It had never occurred to me that I had failed to relay the events of my mother’s death now some twenty two years ago. It happened around this time of year and so I was given reason to dislike the holidays. Somehow I got it into my head that topics like that are things I should shy away from. The dismal facts of my life are many and numerous. I could drown you in a deluge of depressing events, but as the scars are closed if not healed I have no need.
   
In any case, my mother died in her second relapse of cancer. It was a disease that ate her over the years, and finally its burrowing caught into the chamber of her spirit and she was gone. That is not to say that this was the day she died, but the day she stopped living.
   
That I recall well. Her three children were called to come see her at the care facility as we did every weekend, and she called us in one by one to tell us that she was going to die.
   
I remember telling her that we had seen all this before and that she had lived through it, but she told me that it was worse this time. I believed that it was best to try and keep a positive outlook. I was a not to bright nine year old who believed what I was told.
   
I don’t blame my mother for giving up. She had lived a hard life and she deserved eternal rest. Even the solace of nothingness must have been a relief after what that poor woman lived through. That is why I know that whatever lies waiting for us beyond this world my mother is in a better place.


Stay safe, Cassi,

Richard Leland Neal

Monday, November 19, 2012

Letting Things Go


Some days you just have too many bills

12th November 2011
Dear Cassi,

In recent weeks I’ve felt the sting of letting things go so more deeply than before that it has become a topic of note. I had to send in a payment for grad school, pay my property tax, replace my oven, and have my heater repaired all in the same week. Doing so lefty me behind in my finances though the four digit output of a single week was not braking to my bank.
   
I will say that the chief expense was my oven and even as the cheapest of its kind with installation it would run more than a thousand dollars. That’s one of those things about ovens. They do make smaller ovens, but not gas, and the little ones are really not worth using.
   
I could have bought my oven for a few dollars less if I wanted to wait until December to have it installed. However, the saving totaling less than fifty dollars was more than it would have cost to live without the device. I make more than a few things for my salads with the oven and to buy them I would have to settle for less healthy more expensive alternatives.
   
I was in luck on one point. One of my neighbors installs ovens for a living. He built a cradle for the thing to sit on in its cabinet because this oven was shorter than the last. I could have got one with a full sized broiler, but I’ve never used a broiler and have no idea what one does with a full sized one.
   
The oven came in and he put it in the wall for me the next day. It looks a bit ugly but I’ll stain the wood to match soon. I knew I couldn’t keep using the old oven. The side wall had bent and the screws that held the door on had fallen out. I just wish I didn’t have to pay for all this at once.

Stay Safe, Cassi,


Richard Leland Neal


Friday, November 16, 2012

Waiting



In this economy they can ask for more work and credentials for less pay. I was once told that the way things are going one day we will all need Ph.D.’s to work at the local fast food restaurant


11th November 2011
Dear Cassi,

   
It was some time ago that I ran into a job post that I thought was a joke. I really thought it was either that or a misprint of some kind, because it advertised a security job needing a Bachelor’s Degree preferably in Social Work.
   
I sent in an application to this place and found that it was no joke. The pay was better than my unemployment so I went in for an interview. I’ve never waited for an interview that long past the appointment time. Not that I had anything better to do or that I failed to keep myself properly occupied, but job interviews always get my kiddies going.
   
I must have gone to the head at least five times before someone came out to see me and this place had those hot air machines. I guess they are better for the environment but they just fall short of paper towels.
   
I was met by a mature woman who took me to her office, and through her voice inflections and body language I could tell that she was quite taken with my credentials. I would say that she exhibited some enthusiasm for us to work together even before the interview.
   
When we had completed our proceedings she asked me to wait for the head of security to come and conduct my second interview. She came back a few minutes later and told me that he was at dinner, but that I should come back Monday at three.
   
More than two and a half hours after my interview appointment I walked out of that place feeling tired; tired, old, and weary for what lies ahead.

Stay safe, Cassi,

Richard Leland Neal 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Veronica?


I have no idea who this letter was sent to or if it was sent at all. I imagine it never was and a good thing given how much I ramble.

By “finished a play” I mean closed a production where I was an extra. My part evolved to become the angel of death, because I came to put death masks on everyone.

I have no less than thirty eight documents from nineteen ninety five to go through now and most look like they should be posted.

That is more remembering who I was than anyone can be comfortable with, but I will press on.


26th March 1995

Dear Veronica,
                      
I just finished a play called "The Language of Flowers". It was tiring, but it was worth it. My grades Suffered a bit but you know how it is. I still haven't gotten in to TV that is what I wish I was doing. There is more money in TV. I got in touch with an actor friend of mine. He said that I can be represented, but at he had lost the agents number.
                     
The room of my dwelling is too small for a 15 year old. All I can think of some times is a bigger room. I have a dream a two story house and neighbors that live 1\4 mile from the place. It’s too much to ask for at this age, but a man can dream can't he.
    

To dream
a warm embrace in the night
that you wish would never end
if it is humble
or impossible
it is still a sliver of heaven
not easily left in the dust
of the human mind
like an echo
it returns
to hold the mind prisoner
for another time
                       
I apologize for the bad poetry it just gets in my blood that's all. Never been very good at it, but I will get better with practice. Sometimes I get some words in my skull and they stick there like I need to use them. It’s not a crime to be bad at something; it’s just a burden we must endure.
                          
                                                                                    
In good health,

R.L. Neal


Monday, November 12, 2012

What was I Thinking?



If there is one thing that truly messes with a man it is his own face in the mirror made clear. That’s why it so hard for me to look back at these old essays.

That would lead to the question: “so why are you posting this online?” To be honest, I’m not all that sure. There are things I find that I will refrain from posting, but that is due to the work involved.

I believe that date is incorrect or that this was an essay for my freshman English class. I think I must have been the dumbest fifteen year old in all the state of California at the time, and I still have no idea how I graduated from high school.

Well this is an essay where I tried to say that we need good teachers, well written text books, and motivated students to teach mathematics. At the time I couldn’t even spell mathematics, what did I know?   


                              2nd January 1995                           
M Forward

Math is the subject of today's essay. You all, I am sure, have taken it under different titles. So it must be explored good points, bad points, and flaws in application, so that it is understood.
           
Math enables us to do almost everything in life that we do now, it is considered by some to be more than or as essential as reading. This is perfectly true as I can see it. Math is a tool in business, and the more you know the better you can do, depending on how you use it, if you use it. It can and will give you a better understanding of what you do. Inside of all this are the bad points that always exist.
           
Common bad points are in un-learnable nature of math, it is confusing. In theory the equation for math learning is teacher X materiel plus study equals result or TM+S=R and the best to have is 25(2)+50=100 the teacher is a very important part as you can see. However math's greatest enemy is bad books, I have never seen good math books in fact. Not to mention that to teach math appropriately is thought to be too hard to do, or at least impractical. Can you detect the confusion?
             
The greatest problem with math as far as uses is that Math has attributed to the damaging things of today. Math gives us the ability to do bad and good and the two are inseparable. This is a topic that is not commonly brought up. However, you can counter math with itself. They used math to build the missal and to detect it.
             
until next time R.L.N.


Friday, November 9, 2012

Rebel at the End of the World: and Essay


I have no date for this, it was written sometime in the first three months of 2011 for a Radio Television and Film class at a state school.

The assignment was “Rebel Without a Cause” and I got an A- for my work. I have included my references for your approval. 




Rebel at the End of the World

“Rebel Without a Cause” was an act of Hollywood addressing the breakdown of family in the light of the cold war. The failure of family is the most overt theme. The three main characters all have grossly dysfunctional families and all three suffer some abandonment. However, the theme of the world ending in nuclear fire is a looming cloud over the heads of the characters and their families. If one were not familiar with the time in witch “Rebel Without a Cause” was set and written the references to the cold war might be missed. None the less, the end of the world was something people truly thought they might see living in the time of the film.
           
The three characters of Jim, Judy, and Plato start the movie as troubled youths all hauled into a police station for varying reasons. Plato’s reason is the most heinous because it involves the destruction of something innocent, puppies, and is the foreshadowing of his own end.  The idea that Plato kills these puppies because they never knew their father and would be abandoned by their mother(Wood) is a tempting one. However, the actions of the world around Plato are more of note here than his own actions. The crime Plato has committed is cruelty to animals, and if nothing else he should have been held by police because of his mental instability.
           
An underage boy with a firearm who has just killed puppies is certainly a danger to himself and others.  Yet, it is unclear if the police have taken any action whatsoever other than just calling his home and having his made come get him. As we learn later in the film Plato still has access to the firearm, and this access proves to be his death. This would imply that all charges were dropped. Plato’s mother and father are absent from this movie and he, needing that parent figure, called out for help by committing a crime. His call was denied by the authorities, and instead of taking interest in his case he was sent home to deal with his problems on his own.
           
It is implied that this happens often to Plato when Jim offers him his Jacket. Plato refuses the act of kindness by refusing to speak to Jim. This act of mistrust comes up again later in the story when Plato is cornered by Buzz’s thugs in the old mansion. Plato screams “why did you leave me?” and “You’re not my father” rejecting Jim seeing this as another act of betrayal.  The strength of Plato’s response is one excepted by the audience because of his previous neurotic actions. Plato is a nervous character living on a knife’s edge of emotion.
           
This knife’s edge would have resonated in the audience of the time. One of the most important events preceding the film was the death of Josef Stalin and the ceasefire of the Korean War. It was a ceasefire not a victory, a momentary end to aggression that could start up again at any moment. Korea was a situation as volatile as the mind of Plato through the course of the movie. Moreover, Plato is a Greek name and the Greek Civil War was the first major conflict in the overall Cold War (Hermes 6-9). It is tempting to say that without the United States Greece would have fallen to the communists just as without intervention Plato is doomed, but this is reading too far into the reference. It is enough to say that Americans should have looked at Plato and his gun and been reminded of a war that ended only five years earlier. The Greek Civil War was a major victory for NATO and the United States but it was dissention among the communists that led to our victory. Again it is a long shot to say that there is a paralleled between the in family disagreements of the communists and the family problems of the character but the connection would resonate with the audience of the day.
           
Another tempting idea is that the presence of the red dress and jacket are symbolic for the red of communism. This idea is almost completely ridiculous given that the red jacket worn by Jim was an afterthought. Red, however, is an important symbol in the movie. In the first scene Judy is wearing a red dress and has red lipstick. She talks about her father rubbing her lipstick off. This is her moment of greatest distress and it is dominated by red. Red for Judy has the double meaning of gaining her father’s attention and drawing his anger (Wood). In her final words in this scene “My mother, you said it would be my father!” This indicates that her acting out is a bid for his attention. It is a commonly held idea that to the deprived any attention is good attention.
           
Judy’s father’s response is anything but encouraging. When we see her at home there is no mention of the event. Moreover, her father’s violent reaction to her affection tells us of his own mixed emotions. In this time period there would be nothing wrong with a daughter kissing her father. It is he that feels there is something dirty about this and his lashing out, his striking his own daughter, is an act of guilt. This man is attracted to his own little girl and rather than admit that something is wrong he turns his affections to anger.
           
Red in this scene is muted and pushed into the fore and background. Its strongest place is on Judy’s brother’s clothes, and it resides there because likewise residing there is Judy’s father’s affection. The embrace Judy’s father gives her brother is coveted by Judy. In the same moment we see his coldness towards her and his warmth toward his son. Judy looks cold in pale blue and her brother warm in bright red. If red is the symbol of Judy’s desire than her brother has what she wants.
           
Red in the film is desire and the desire driving the characters is the “search for the father” (Eisenschitz 254) then the act of Jim putting the red jacket on is the act of him accepting the role as object of desire. Jim is first rejected by Judy and the jacket is lost but red is never missing from his character. His pants at the planetarium are maroon and his tie a dark red. Red is often seen in the background of the chickie run scene implying that desire is in the air, and the red slash, signaling the death of Buzz, is desire permeating the air.
           
In the very end of the film Jim takes off his red jacket and gives it to Plato. This is because desire is transferred onto Plato as the focus of the action. Jim is trying to save Plato at the end. The desire to have saved the poor boy will live on forever in the lives of Jim and Judy.
           
It is indeed symbolic that the death takes place at the planetarium. The planetarium is connected with death and is the place where the plans that lead to the death of Buzz were laid. Both times the planetarium is visited the end of the world is discussed. The first time the earth is regarded to have already been destroyed by the planetarium director and his gross failure to intervene in the fight between Buzz and Jim leads to destruction.  The second time they arrive at the planetarium Plato asks Jim when he thinks the end of the world will happen. Jim tells him “At dawn.” Shortly after Plato is killed by police.
           
The planetarium is the symbol for technology and where as the space race will not kick off until Sputnik in 57 the American people would have been aware of the capture of German scientists to further the US and Soviet missile programs. Technology was the main battle ground of the Cold War and the mansion, so close to it in the world of the film, resembles a post apocalyptic ruin.
           
The mansion is one of the most symbolic sequences in the film. When the three teens arrive they begin to mimic their parent figures. Plato becomes a servant as he is raised by a nanny. Jim and Judy become a married couple who talk about children as if they are an inconvenience much as they must feel treated as one by their parents. They even talk about drowning children “like puppies” reminding us of Plato’s crime at the beginning of the film. As they play their game they are unaware of the danger lurking right outside. This could be the feeling of the public looking the other way in the light of a looming war with The USSR.  In short time the dilapidated building becomes a battle ground. In the ending action of the play Jim must dodge bullets, make peace, and watch that peace be once again shattered by an un-understanding world. 
           
Dean’s character of Jim may be seen as the most straight forward. James Dean lost his mother and had a falling out with his father making him like the Jim character (Sanjuro). Jim is looking for his father to stand up to his mother. “If only he had the guts to knock her cold just once. Then maybe she would be happy.” He feels that his family can’t be happy without a strong father figure and his mother’s verbal jabbing emasculates the man.
           
We can see the emasculated side of Jim’s father when Jim comes home from the chickie run to find his father preparing a meal for his mother wearing a woman’s frilly apron. Jim’s father is now literally wearing his wife’s clothes. Unless Jim’s mother is a working woman, unlikely in the fifties, she should normally do the cooking in the home. Jim’s father is now as much mother as father in this scene. Jim even comments that he thought his father was his mother and why not he is wearing her dress?

Jim becomes the father figure in this family when his own father is wearing that apron. When Jim’s father drop the tray of food he says he needs to clean it up before his wife sees it placing his wife at the center of his concern. Jim tells him to let his mother see the mess asking him to abandon his fear of her. Other instances of this are Jim telling his father he wants a straight answer out of him throughout the film. Jim’s father, unable to act on his own, refuses time and time again failing Jim as he has done time and time over.

One of the most important moments between Jim’s family is the fight over weather Jim should go to the police over the death of Buzz. During this scene Jim grabs his father and shoves him towards his mother. Jim has already proved that he is no cowered in the world of the film by participating in the game of chicken. He has now set the example for his father to follow and is asking his father to be the man that he has proven himself to be. Jim does get his wish in some form at the end when his father runs to the body of Plato thinking it is Jim. This transformation is incomplete and sad, but whatever Jim’s father is Jim has come to grips with this finding the family he wanted in Judy.

The sad world of the film is one that permits no reliance on the family or the state to resolve problems. When any of the characters looked to authority they found only empty promises and gestures.  This ending idea is that resolution will come only when the characters find in themselves what they need and stop looking for it in family and authority.

Bibliography


Eisenschitz, Bernard. Nicholas Ray: An American Journey. London: Faber, 1993.

Hermes, Jr., Walter. Truce Tent and Fighting Front. WASHINGTON, D. C.: United States Army Center of Military History, 2002. 2, 6-9.

Rebel without a Cause, Dir. Nicholas Ray, Warner Brothers, 1955

Sanjuro, Erik A. Reviw of Rebel: The Life and Legend of James Dean. Los Angeles: University of Southern California, 2006. http://gaybookreviews.info/review/3236/696

Wood, Chris. Finding the Father: A Psychoanalytic Study of Rebel Without a Cause. The Canadian Journal Of Irish Studies, Spring 2000 http://archive.sensesofcinema.com/contents/00/5/finding.html


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

A Dumb Essay


I should have done better for Freshman College English, but I believe this was for English 60 Pre College English, and I’m ashamed of this document. I’ve written worse mind, oh have I written worse, and some testament to my mental durability can be found in the fact that my mind could function at all with the disease I had.   

I have no recollection of the grade I earned for this assignment. I can tell you I should have failed. I counted no less than four spelling errors in the first paragraph. I wish I found it hard to believe that my teachers ignored my problems without insisting that I take steps to correct the defects in my mind.

I will grant that celebrates and celebrities or celebrate and celebrity have a very similar spelling, but a High School graduates and freshman in college have no business getting it wrong.

A few other spelling errors

categories categorize, role vs. roll, excepts accepts, stores stories.

Now let me grant that this is no great piece of literature. Then if you want to get a close look into my life reading my old school papers is one way of doing that, and if you don’t like this I should have something you will like tomorrow.  

7th April 1999

And We Look To

We as a people categorize the individuals we look up to in three ways heroes, celebrities, and role models. One can perhaps be all of these at once or any combination of the three. However, often the criteria for celebrity and hero are too different to merge for any amount of time.
         
First, we have the hero, one who puts themselves at risk for the safety of others. Some very good examples of heroes are the persons of law enforcement. Take for example my friend Joe, Joe works for the LAPD and from what I understand he is one of them more at risk officers. He leaves his home knowing that he may never return. He leaves his home every morning knowing that he may die in the line of duty and never see his wife again. Every day he risks his life for the good of the people he serves and accepts only his unsubstantial paycheck for it, and so Joe is the true definition of a hero.

Then we have celebrities, people who are celebrated for whatever reason. Patrick Stewart the man who played Captain Picard is a celebrity because of his appearance on stage. They have conventions in honor of this man and his role in Star Trek. He could probably retire by selling his signature to many of his adoring fans. He is celebrated not for any valor or personal worth but for his acting ability. He is celebrated and loved for appearances. He stands in the public eye.

One good example of a role model (from what I hear) is Stephen King. He is a good family man, provider, and father. He is a disciplined writer that states “most of what I do is crap, but it’s all worth it because every once in a while I get to do something really worth righting.” Many of us never appreciate the real amount of work that goes in to putting stories together, and the amount of research he does allows the reader to really get a good look at the characters and their lives. The man does his homework so to speak. He is a shining example of talent and discipline.

I would like to note that I didn’t do my homework on Stephen King and so did not know that he had problems with drug addiction when I wrote this essay.

So the three forms of our admiration stand, we will love or hate the individuals that fill these names, but still they are what they are. My friend Joe could be a role model or Stephen King a celebrity. Like it or not, they all inspire, guide, and inform us with shining examples of right and wrong.


Monday, November 5, 2012

Condoms vs. Sainsdurg

The curation of this essay was not easy given that it was written at the end of my freshman year of high school. I was suffering from depression and a sleep disorder when I wrote this so to understand it one needs to be drunk or go without sleep for a few days and I recommend neither.

To give you a description of the product it is a ‘stream of consciousness’ essay written in a ‘fake it till you make it’ style for an English class taught by a religious pervert who writes ‘obscene poetry’ about his students. I don’t think he needed condoms for birth control. He adopted. . . and may have had sex with boys on the side. My high school experience was very strange.

10th June 1995
Condoms vs. Sainsdurg

Friends and readers, the topic I bring before you is a strange one, but it is important regardless. On my desk this evening I found an article entitled "Condoms for Kids? Get Real." by Steven J Sainsburg. In his article he assumed that condoms are useless to teenagers. Let us explore the topic, and you can be the judge.
                       
This man begins by describing one of his patients, apparently this girl has engaged in unprotected sex, not only that but the situation is anything but rare. I have no choice but to consider his meaning is that teenagers don't think to protect themselves against venereal disease, including HIV or unwonted pregnancy.

Moving on, Mr. Sainsdurg condemns the condom as an unacceptable solution, the claim is that not only are they not used but they aren’t affective. To clarify a study he examined said that 14% of all condoms brake or leak due to poor handling by consumers. If they aren't 100% they aren't good enough for him. The only acceptable answer is abstinence until finding one who you will commit too or wed. This is the opinion of the article, but the question it brings is “is it proper to make condoms available for youths”. If we listen to the article no, but I have a different opinion.
           
Personally, I feel that if you can't stop a problem you can at least slow it down. There are two ways to do this, one is abstinence, but it is not appealing to the general public and will never be a useful solution. The other method is to make condoms available and give kids the sense to use them. I must confess that there is one more thing, and that is to change outside influence. TV, and other forms of entertainment, are the greatest influence of kids of all ages. Personally if I had a say in the matter entertainment would be completely reconstructed but that is too far off the subject. With all considered, it is stereotypes that provide the behavior that is not moral, a monkey see monkey do if you will. If the heroes of the children do it the children do it no matter what the cost. Oh, I have forgotten the one end to the problem: let it hit its hardest, when you see your friend die you will be a little more careful.    
         
The topic we have discussed is controversial, but so are all things in life and death. I we will say that my advice is ‘have a condom if your control you question, but for safety sake I tell you abstinence is the rule.’ It is not fun nor fast, nor witty, I can swift say it is not pretty, but death is best not a quickened curse. All silliness aside it is less a punishment to die then to sit idly by and observe the cold embrace. Do you wish to do that too your friends, to give them pane that never ends. Like stabbing wounds that will not heal, and a saddened thought terns there making blades. Moving on there is no such thing as safe sex, it is as good old Bill said it there are two guarantees in life death and taxes.
          
My apologies for the deepness of the last paragraph, I got carried away. My conciliation is that I can leave you with is the hope of your better Judgment.

Until the fullness of time

Richard Neal.


not pretty, but death is best not a quickened curse. All silliness aside it is less a punishment to die then to sit idly

Friday, November 2, 2012

New Computer


16th May 2012
Dear Cassi,
It was on the 25th of April that I took home a new desktop computer. It had been a long time coming and the old unit was feeling its years. Still, I had wanted a rebuild rather than a full new unit but that’s what I have now.
A point that came up is that my computer was very large and still the new body is larger. This led to a frustrating fight to get the new unit into the old desk. It took me more than a week and at least a few hundred dollars with cords and equipment. Now the new unit stand and the desk with a vintage IBM body sitting under the second monitor. The first and large flat screen is suspended on an arm over the desk. One of my laptops sits and another arm to my right so that I have three screens running at once when I need them.
This is a rig for doing all the things I dream of, little sister, it’s the morning of a holiday when the air is clear and the birds are singing. This is possibility and dexterity in a black mesh frame.
However, I’ll most likely use it to play video games and watch movies. Well, I will get thousands of hours of fun out of it and that counts.

Reach for your potential, little sister

Richard Leland Neal

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Burn


15th May 2012
Dear Cassi,
In that nature of my car problems I found an anger that wanted destruction. With this I turned to the boxes of paper records that have long plagued me and that have sat for as long as fifteen years. I turned to the paper shredder to disposed of this and found satisfaction in watching the pages turn to confetti in the teeth of the black and cream beast.
       
Some hours into my labor the shredder could take no more and jammed to tell me it was done working for the day. I turned to fire seeing that I was not a tenth of the way completed in my task.
       
I found a greater satisfaction in the burning embers of my mistakes in life and kept at this with three full boxes of paper that the fire choked on as hit burnt a history of no importance. Smoke stung in my eyes but somehow I loved the destruction of that old nature and new that with the smoke clear I could look ahead.
       
It was during this labor that I was called on by Falstaff’s father who was to go with me to have my car looked at and he was stunned by this action thinking in the fire there was some anger from me to his son for the damage to my vehicle.
       
I was angry and I found something productive to do with that anger. If all the anger we feel could be put to good use would this not be a better world?

Always find your light, little sister



Richard Leland Neal