My Illness Drags On

9^th January 2012

Dear Cassi,

My illness drags on and the frustration of work and school adds to the grit that slows the turning of my life and wears me down. Frustration is a particularly bad point with me as it stirs from much of my memory the ill feeling I have for my family.

       

All the anger I have for my father came up this morning like the stink of rotten plants in a bog. I wish I could just turn my brain off until this fever has passed, but that amount of time is not mine to spend so loosely.

       

What would I give for a few hours in a cool darkness right now? Unfortunately work looms over me like a great mountain to be climbed. I will leave the house soon and have to face the world again knowing this time that I haven’t the strength.

       

I went and got the generic flu medication for both night and day. Smartly, they came as a pack and I need them both. Now I cough so badly that I can hardly function. The fits leave me dizzy and feeling as if the lights flicker. Then end with me hacking up a thing that looks so much like a slug that I almost expect it to move.

       

The clear goo constantly running from my nose puts stains on my shirts no matter how diligently I wipe my nose. Wiping my nose was bad for about a day. I had to rub Vaseline on my nostrils to take the pain out. That works well, better than lip balm, and forget lotions they smell and wear off in five minutes. I guess I’m being innovative here but it works.

Stay safe, Cassi,

Richard Leland Neal