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Friday, April 19, 2013

Very Grounded in My Thoughts

11th March 2013 11

I have to admit, Randi, that a lack of memories before the age of twelve is an oddity. Myself, I can remember things clearly from age three, not much mind, but things are there to be recalled. I have to admit that the EMBR session that made so much an impact on you did very little for me, but then understand that I have become very grounded in my thoughts over the last few years.

I’ve heard of memory projects that involve doing the things one did at the time of the lost memories. This would be watching film, reading books, and viewing other media that would have been in your life during those lost years. Still, memory blocks are something I have no experience with in my life.

Let’s be clear on one thing, if there is something there you’ve toned out it may be something you have no wish to find. I can tell you that I know little of my mother’s life and what I do know is rather sad. The poor woman was a tortured angry soul that lived a miserable short existence. An account of the happenings of her life is long lost to me because I never get along with her family. I come to grips with things by understanding that her life was hard and that I will only find pain if I go looking for more.

As for my own memory, I write letters about my day to day life to a friend.

You can read a few if you like
and I found this to be very settling. There are times that I will just take notes on an event and then come back to it months later but on the overall it helps me to deal with the trauma of my life.

I try and fail to write a letter every day and some days I have nothing to write about so I write about the past. Those things that happened to me often come back slowly and dimly but like working any part of body or mind they become strong.

I still have a distance to go before I have a truly stable mind. Well, stable as it should be, more stable than most I hope, but I found a great joy in writing about my life. Then I guess you may say that memory isn’t all that big a thing so long as you can find your joy in life.