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Monday, August 26, 2013

Apologize, Axplain, and Ask for Forgiveness

An email to me on August 6th of 2013

So, I'm going to be in California this coming week and I was wondering if we could get together and talk. I realize how things look but my life was a lot more complicated and horrible than some realize. I'd like the chance to tell you and share the "why" of it all. I always thought of you as a brother and just want the chance to mend things, apologize, explain, and ask for forgiveness where it's needed. If you'd give me that chance it'd mean a lot to me.

My Reply on August 12th 

Mr. Bogy,

If there is anything you have to say to me I’m sure that the written word can oblige you as easily as the spoken, and I am not stocked with time enough to deal with this subject. Further, your memory has never been a thing to trust and so the written word would serve you far better than apology as you would be able to recall and compose yourself. No one has prevented you from explaining your actions other than your own person.

As far as lives of complication and horror go I assure you that mine is well furnished, and that the opinion of the doctors who have consulted me on this subject is that I have stood life’s tests with duty an honor which is more than can be said of you. It is the opinion of my doctor that most men would have broken beneath the stress of my life. This condition and misfortune gives me no right to harm others and so your situation gives you no leave or excuse to harm me.

As far as why you’ve acted as you have I know as well as needed. A pressing guilt over your high school relationship with Angel caused you to write stories that featured an idealized version of your once girlfriend. When the ideas of good writing suggested you deviate from your ideal you became defensive. No one in their right mind would have funded one of your fantasies, which is why I requested to send a story of my own to your producer. Your greatest enemy was yourself and I did my best to fight him for you.

As for why you insisted on breaching our agreement, you’ve said that as well as any. You saw me as a brother then sibling rivalry could have fueled you well enough. It wasn’t enough for you to profit from my labors, but you had to outshine me. To fit into your own little world you had to become a small person.

In the general nature of things you’re part of a whole group of people I’ve come to avoid. You see, it was Christopher Michael Celaya who explained to me that the misfortunes I suffered as a result of being his friend were my fault for being his friend. Well then, I trusted you and should have known better.

If you need to speak your peace then do so to settle yourself. I find myself occupied with other matters and have no time to devote to such things.

In honesty,

Richard Leland Neal

“What monstrosities would walk the streets were some people's faces as unfinished as their minds.”

Eric Hoffer