Things that Bean Touched

7^th November 2018

Dear Party People,

I was on my way home from the night shift last week, and I left my radio on from the night before. What should I hear but Kevin and Bean talking about Bean eating strange things with a knife and fork. I'll grant you that I've gotten half a slice of pizza down with a knife and fork before switching to my hands, and I didn't hear what the listeners had to say, but it was clear by the time I got home that the lot of you had missed the big point.

It's not like you not wanting to eat with your hands. It's that no one in their right mind, or Bean's mind, would want to eat with Bean's hands. Not even Bean. Just think about this for a second. If you had to be tied up and have a member of the morning crew feed you with their hands who would you choose? How many of you would eat food Bean touched?

Think of where those hands have been. What parts of goats, dogs, or any other animal has Bean touched, and no matter how much he washes his hands he can't wash the Bean off. Even Bean knows how disgusting Bean is and how wrong it would be for Bean to touch food.

After all, didn't bean choose Radiohead's 'Creep' as the song at his wedding. Or was that Kevin? It's still so hard to tell you two apart. That's not the point. The point is that no food should ever be so insulted as to be touched by a creep the likes of Bean.

I would think that would have been obvious,

Richard from Whittier