Richard Leland Neal as an idiot 16 year old |
Having found this on an old floppy disk I can say that it took me back to a time in my life I hated. This is a poem I wrote back in July of 1995, high school, and the old place was a dump I wanted to stay in forever.
In other words, these are the words of an idiot fifteen year old. I had to do some major editing because back then I was suffering from the worst depression of my life and couldn't write much. My damaged brain simply didn't have the energy to form words and so reading any of my work from that time is like looking through a fog. Well, find what meaning you will in this, I sure did.
Images
by Richard Leland Neal
a
world of beautiful images
a
world I cannot enter
like
a chorus of life
I
sit in an audience
my peers in this cold computers
they
have no soul, they have no god
no
will no mind no reason
there
glowing screens looking in to the world
but
they stare expressionless at me
I am one of them
I
reach for an image from the cold of the crowds
my hand is stopped
as
if by a wall that holds me back
and
I strain to bridge the gap of empty solid air
as
I push harder and harder
beads
of sweat dot my brow
drops
of blood streak my hand
sweat
flowing, blood running
stinging
pain and yet I persist
muscles
tens and shaking
my
eyes monitor the slow progress
I
finely bridge the gap and stop
the
distance the trials and no reward
for
I think is it worth it
to
stain the image that was my goal
destroy
it with my blood
and
then in bold
no!
I
am not worthy of their world
then
a wall on either side
the
two worlds of beauty and of cold resist me
but
it is not even the sting
that
the devils make that would drive to allow
the
passage out of my frozen hell
the
reason for this is so plain to me
the
reason is this you see
no
point, no plot,
no common ground lies between either
In
my world it seems I soar aloft and am looking down
but
I'm like a worm in the ground
I
am lower than low
I
can't be found
Like
a part of a broken puzzle
I
have no match
I’m
searching out a missing piece
that
has ceased to exist
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