Monday, August 20, 2012

Images: a Poem

Richard Leland Neal as an idiot 16 year old
Having found this on an old floppy disk I can say that it took me back to a time in my life I hated. This is a poem I wrote back in July of 1995, high school, and the old place was a dump I wanted to stay in forever.

 In other words, these are the words of an idiot fifteen year old. I had to do some major editing because back then I was suffering from the worst depression of my life and couldn't write much. My damaged brain simply didn't have the energy to form words and so reading any of my work from that time is like looking through a fog. Well, find what meaning you will in this, I sure did. 


Images
 by Richard Leland Neal

a world of  beautiful images
a world I cannot enter
like a chorus of  life
I sit in an audience
 my peers in this cold computers
they have no soul, they have no god
no will no mind no reason
there glowing screens looking in to the world
but they stare expressionless at me
 I am one of them
I reach for an image from the cold of the crowds
 my hand is stopped
as if  by a wall that holds me back
and I strain to bridge the gap of empty solid air
as I push harder and harder
beads of sweat dot my brow
drops of  blood streak my hand
sweat flowing, blood running
stinging pain and yet I persist
muscles tens and shaking
my eyes monitor the slow progress
I finely bridge the gap and stop
the distance the trials and no reward
for I think is it worth it
to stain the image that was my goal
destroy it with my blood
and then in bold
no!
I am not worthy of their world

then a wall on either side
the two worlds of beauty and of cold resist me
but it is not even the sting
that the devils make that would drive to allow
the passage out of my frozen hell
the reason for this is so plain to me
the reason is this you see
no point, no plot,
 no common ground lies between either
In my world it seems I soar aloft and am looking down
but I'm like a worm in the ground
I am lower than low
I can't be found
Like a part of a broken puzzle
I have no match
I’m searching out a missing piece

that has ceased to exist

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