Toaster on Toast - Sam Levenson

An August Journal: Complaining

Title says it all

22^nd August 2006

         

Much has happened since my last entry. I found myself ill on Monday and could not attend school.  However, I wonder if I’m being honest with myself over it. Yes I had a backache and nausea but I don’t know if that would have stopped me on a normal day.  It is entirely possible that I’m just embarrassed to go back to school after all that has happened there.

         

Not that I dead anything foolish but more that I have not moved on. It makes little cents to comity on this semester, as I will gain little from this experience, but as I have nothing better to do. I certainly hope that all will go well in SCU Fullerton but this augers ill for there can be no greater enemy the poor health.

         

In other new Alan(the man I do not call father) has taken ill, he is in the hospital because of high blood presser. It’s funny in a way as I’m numb to it now. How should I feel about this man the left me to ruin?  What would be the right course? If I’m a god-fearing man then I do nothing for him by taking concern. Surly he has sealed his own damnation with is actions or is he merely to ignorant to know how to behave? 

Shape of Character - John Gray

Program Commands

An August Journal: Self Improvement

One of the things I have always done is try idiotic things to improve myself. The big problem with that is that no matter how motivated I am I have so much going on that I can never find the time to do half the work I should. I never learned any of the topics I talk about in this Journal, but I tell you this much I sat up with text books for no good reason many a time.

I would like to blame my failure to thrive on my depression but I was unwilling to make the radical changes in my life that needed to overcome the disease.

Would I want back the nearly six years of my life between my writing this and my posting it? Absolutely, but I’d rather be 26 in 2012 than go back to that time.

19^th August 2006

         

It has come to me that the fees of the university will nothing like those of my present school and in being such I will have to prepare myself better. From what I read the University Fullerton charges on full or part time student hood as opposed to by the unit as my current college. Moreover, that full time for them is seven units and more. This may be a plea to the student to get out of the school as fast as possible. I have only planed for seven units at the college this semester and thus must find some eight to eleven more worth of work to prepare myself as well as reconstructing my living condition for optimal use of time and seeing to my health.

         

Thus I’m taking in the course materials for short hand, speed reading, and Hebrew, those compiled with my other work should be a sufficient simulation. It will be in no way easy because of the vast a amount of clutter in my life but then I have lived with it thus far and life has never been easy for me.    

Windows in Summer - Erma Bombeck

Crazy Person Terms for Teens

Define the terms imaginary audience, personal fable, invincibility fable, foreclosure, moratorium and diffusion using your own adolescence to provide examples of each.

Imaginary Audience: The condition where a person believes that the world should be as interested or concerned with them as they are (p.301). As a theater student I always believed that my teachers should be as interested in my success as I am if for no other reason than I paid them. Honestly, I still believe that but I fear the world disagrees.

Personal Fable: The condition where a person thinks too much of themselves, believes that they have an over important role to play in the world, or thinks that their experiences are completely and totally unique (p.301). I can recall this when I wrote my first full length play. It was science fiction and I thought that this had never been done before, but I was wrong. The word Robot was coined in a play and many of the big production scripts could be called Sci Fi. Look at ‘Cats’ where a cat is taken away by space ship or ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ where an alien takes over the world.

Invincibility Fable: the perceptual error where a person believes they are invincible and unstoppable (p.301). I was once on a walk with my father and a runaway horse came by with a second horse, this one with rider, short behind calling ‘stop the horse, stop the horse!’ My first thought was to grab the saddle as the horse ran by and put my foot into the stirrup. Then I would pull myself up. I will grant I could have been killed, but to be honest at the time I felt I had no reason to live.

Foreclosure: The condition where a person conforms to norms without exploring alternatives (p.304). The only place where I can say that I did this was water polo where I put on the Speedo as part of being on the team. I never liked the thing and they had little longevity, but I never looked for an alternative.

Moratorium: This is the state where in a person is actively looking for who they are but are confused and working overtime to define themselves(p.304). I noted this in my early college days. One week I wanted to be a photographer and the next an engineer. I lost years of my life to these changes in mind.  

Diffusion: A point where a person has yet to make a firm life choice but is not active in exploring possible choices. (P. 303) The danger here being that the person may be susceptible to group influence like that of a gang. I once had this problem and turned to my name as an idea of who I am. I wrote my name as R.L. Neal, I was called Neal, but I proffered Richard. Still there were people who called me Rick. To my friends and myself Rick was a person who was worthy of abuse and so I expected abuse as part of life until I refused to hang around with those who called me Rick.

Reference:

Broderick, P. & Blewett, P. (2010). The Life Span: Human Development for Helping Professionals. New York: Prentice-Hall Publishers.

To Bed When I was Sick - Erma Bombeck

How to Look for a Career

This paper is an important one because looking up what I’m going to school for has given me second thoughts about getting my Masters. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my future but at least now I know where to look.

Gathering Information

Ohio is a fictional client, but his case is based on common qualities of clients who have suffered homelessness and related problems.

Ohio came to my office for observation as a standard operating procedure before his induction into the program. As the client had trouble sleeping in became clear that he needed to be engaged on a topic that made him comfortable to place him at a lull and permit him to node off. In that vein I told him to think of his coming to my shelter as a flat tire on the road to the rest of his life, and that he should think about what to do to get moving again.

Ohio stated that he might like to work as a janitor because when he was in high school he knew a janitor named Rob who he had a positive relationship with. As I know a paid job training program for this exists I expressed that Ohio would benefit from the honest work and that we could likely help him to this occupation.

I accessed the Bureau of Labor Statistics for him (http://www.bls.gov/oco) and noted that he would be able to start this job without further training. Here I noted that the low end workers in this area had seen the largest projected then year job growth of twelve percent and that the other areas had a projection of around five.

I also noted that he would likely start at the California minimum wage  but that he could find better employment with more experience making as much as twelve dollars an hour at a government site or around a dollar less than that at a hospital or college. I likewise informed him that management in these jobs paid well and if he planned to stay in that line of work management should be his goal.

www.acinet.org confirmed notation of pay scale from the .gov but added that often workers may start with only a few days a week, would work at night, and that moving on to a higher paying union job will often depend on experience.

This, I explained to him, should present no worry as so long as he lived in the shelter he had free food, clothing, and rent so part time work would be fine. They would help him find a better job even if he had one and would keep working with him for some time.

From http://www.onetonline.org/ I read off the physical requirements of the job to him.

Trunk Strength — The ability to use your abdominal and lower back muscles to support part of the body repeatedly or continuously over time without 'giving out' or fatiguing.

Extent Flexibility — The ability to bend, stretch, twist, or reach with your body, arms, and/or legs.

Manual Dexterity — The ability to quickly move your hand, your hand together with your arm, or your two hands to grasp, manipulate, or assemble objects.

Oral Comprehension — The ability to listen to and understand information and ideas presented through spoken words and sentences.

Static Strength — The ability to exert maximum muscle force to lift, push, pull, or carry objects.

Near Vision — The ability to see details at close range (within a few feet of the observer).

Oral Expression — The ability to communicate information and ideas in speaking so others will understand.

We then agreed that he would talk to the employment department in the morning and he quickly drifted off to sleep.

References

O*Net Online (2012). Occupation Search. Social. Conventional. Enterprising. http://www.onetonline.org.

CareerInfoNet Online (2012). Occupation Search. http://www.acinet.org.

The Occupational Outlook Handbook (2010-11 Edition). Occupation Search. http://www. bls.gov/oco.

Tell Him What You Want Done - General Patton

Be More - Aboodi Shaby

An August Journal: Broken Home

The 12^th of August 2006

Today was a dark day indeed; Alan brought his wife to my home.

         

Alan is the man who I will never again call father nor his children my siblings. I’m a man without family so that all history of family must start with me. I am a Jew and hold that to be my belief and I know that my mother, the only real family I ever had, was of the blood of the Hebrew and that her father survived the holocaust by immigrating to America.

         

When my mother died at 49 she had no choice but to leave me in the care of this greedy idiot who, paid to care for his children and myself, failed miserably to do so. He decided that my home needed work so he ripped out good flooring of carpet and covered over hard wood with acrylic tiles. I can count the days it lasted on my fingers. He did try to make the tile work by reinstalling it. Again, if fell apart within days and he gave up on making repairs to my home. I must make assumptions at this point that he did this to find things to pay his sister for, who was named executer of the estate because of Alan’s unsuitability, as many of his relative complied that she was not paid for her services. They raised the subject because they felt that I should believe she had not been paid when the truth is that she has.

         

Over the next eight years Alan purchase thousands of dollars in exercise equipment so that his son, Paul, could “feel good about himself” and left my home to rot.

Honestly, I don’t believe he did it for Paul. I think he did it for him. He wanted to spend money on that equipment.

Life is Like Writing in Ink - Gabe Suico

An August Journal: No More Concrete

The 10^th August 2006

         

Today the two other owners of my home and I discussed the issue of repairs and determined that no more of Ken’s concrete is to be poured. Ken is well meaning, but he asks no approval when he modifies a home that is not his and once more he expects to be reimbursed for the materials no one asked him to perches. It is a wound to me that he has purchased parts for my computer desk that I did not ask for, insisted that he will install them and yet has failed to do so in more than one year’s time. Once more, I insisted that a different material was to be used. With witch the work would have been easier and faster, but he insisted, and the work has not been done.

         

Then there are the doors that he perched that still sit in his garage unused. I fear that I will soon have to ask for one of them, as they are paid for, and he will then insist upon installing the door regardless of the fact that I will need it done quickly. 

         

To conclude the issue of the concrete I instructed Paul to tell Ken that any more slabs would be removed by hammer, and that he is not to install sprinklers either as we haven’t the money for this type of repair.

         

If there is one thing that has been made absolutely clear to me it is that I must remove myself from this home. Unfortunately as the housing market has fallen it will be some time before a selling will be of any good idea. As this is true I must first perches a home to be the place of my family or buy this home off with the market poor as it is.    

         

It’s said that home coast stands in a ten year of rise and fall and fall is what has just happened I really need take hast.  In any case I must attend the matters of the day thus I conclude.

The Rose Candle - Erma Bombeck

Abstinence and Drug Use

This is a grad school mini essay. Take what I say with a grain of salt or reject it completely. Up to you.

What is your opinion on schools that educate adolescence to be abstinent and that take a zero tolerance drug position? 

A two part question on what are only loosely related topics. Abstinence is an unrealistic goal and sets an unrealistic president. In addition, it creates in the practitioner a buildup of sexual energy and anxiety.

Sex is not in its nature wrong. Sex is a necessary part of human existence and it was viewed as wrong in the past only because of the consequences. I do believe a man should never have sex with a woman he is unwilling to have children with and that picking someone up at a bar for a one night stand spreads diseases.

However, these actions in and of themselves cannot be made illegal and should be discouraged on the bases of what may happen and societal impact. Giving people an idea of all or nothing will simply challenge many to choose all. The teaching of abstinence promotes a social backlash and leads to greater problems than teaching and understanding of sex.

Drugs are a more complicated topic. If you define drugs as ‘anything put in the body other than food or water that makes a chemical change’ soda, juice, and punch being food, then the idea is unobtainable.      

Zero tolerance toward illegal drugs is neither here nor there in nature. People may shy away from drugs because of the consequences. Keeping drugs out of schools is a good idea.

We know from behavior theories that rewarding good behavior is better than punishing bad so this idea will help few. Moreover, it is important to note that teaching students why drugs are prohibited is more important than the fact that they are prohibited. 

Pill! and What I Look Like

Okay, I'm just having a bad day so how about a joke to cheer you up? You can feel free to tell a joke to make me feel better.

Leadership - Harry S. Truman

An August Journal: A bird In My Vent

I found this file today and it contains a journal with around eight entries detailing my life in August of 2006. I hope all those entries are worth posting.

I do recall this in the time past my blotted sister’s exodus, but before her taking of her cats. I have never been able to fathom the cruelty of which my sister is capable but that’s a story for another time. I was inspired to write down this event because it was so interesting.  

The 6^th of August 2006

It is on this date that a strange event took place. I had come home from work that morning and gone about my business of preparing meals to frees for future use. I had retrieved tomatoes and chilies form my garden and had made ready the blender. I had left the kitchen to turn on the computer and on returning found Trouble my youngest cat on the stove.

         

I picked him up and stroked his back as he mewed happily all the while keeping his eyes on the stove vent. It was then that I heard a scurrying or scratching coming from the vent. It was apparent that a living animal, rat or bird, had somehow gotten into the vent and was trapped. After some searching in the junk of my home I found a flat headed screw driver and removed the fan from vent and there encountered another obstacle. It was a trap composed of two doors designed to allow material only to leave upwards so that nothing from the exterior could fall on food being prepared.

         

With goggles to protect my eyes I made several attempts to open this and peer within to see what manner of creature had invaded my home.  It was on one of these attempts that I saw a wing briefly thrust thought the trap. Prodding with a long pole I tried to lure the bird down to the trap where I could reach it and hopefully free the animal. At this it flew down to me and I could see that it was a small bird, brown with white spot on its breast, a black beak and small head.

Unable to free the bird this way I pushed up on the trap and dislodged the pipe that made up the body of the vent. I then brought the pipe down and the bird flew free in my home until it found the front door where it resumed its life in the wild. For some hours I was employed in the cleaning of the pipe and fan and had yet to replace it above the stove.

         

I made inquiry to Ken who lives across the street from me and is more knowledgeable in the way of birds then myself. He told me that the bird I described sounded like a female gecko. When I pointed out that this was a lizard he amended his identification to Greco (I believe the name is Greckle and he pronounced it incorrectly) the male being black with yellow eyes like Trouble.

         

In the Eastern world it was once a sign of good luck to be visited by a bird. I wonder how I should take this visit. Perhaps I should view this as a metaphor for my life. As it were I’m clearly trapped. But am I like the bird unable to get free of my own?  Or should I take the nature of the animal to be like my own? The bird could truly not survive long in the vent as birds must eat more than their body weight every day to live. Should I take note and make haste less I find myself dead of the soul?

The incident with the bird was severely lengthened by the dirt and garbage in my home. I have long planed to remove it, but with such problems in my life and the long hours I work cleaning takes a back seat. On cleaning my kitchen after the debris of freeing the bird I found rotting fruit and vegetable matter on the counter under the forgotten dishes and shopping bags.

         

On arriving at work that night Officer Hicks, the most junior of my guard told me that on hearing that I intended on going to the office of my company to discus pay problems that all my other officers had planned to attend with me. Clearly the action is mine to make but I am lost in the many needs of my life and without direction. Lord point me straight.

I may also mention that Ken had been laying concrete in my back yard and I gave him eighty dollars as compensation for materials and asked that he keep the hours of his labor noted so that he could be compensated open the event of the sale of my home.  He stated that Paul one of the other two owners had agreed to pay for materials but been slow to give up the money.        

Ability or Inability - Mary Kay Ash

Hard Questions

This letter was never mailed because it was never finished I was just to busted up at the time and I couldn’t get much of anything done.

Let me be honest here, I was trying to use my injury at work to gain sympathy from my professors, but the addressee was a hard feminist and as I’m a male she had no use for me.  Or that’s what her male underlings said. I do have to admit she hired a few teachers, all of them female, who were unready to work as professors.

It is possible however that their foul teaching style was due to their greenness and the fact that they were theater teachers.

I would like to make the point that the reason for an education to provide the economy with able bodied workers with the brains to do the job. Theater education on the other hand is welfare for hippies who don’t want to admit that they are hippies.

3^rd March 2008

Dear (Theatre Arts Department Chair),

Sitting here wondering how I’m going to get my homework done during tech week I remembered that need some advice? Help? I don’t really know how to put it. I tried discussing these issues with (My advisor) but she can’t seem to give me definitive answers. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be bothering you with this stuff but I really have no one else.

I had hoped to slow down and take less units because of the problems I’m having working full time and going to school but then I got injured at work. I held post for six hours soaked to the skin in my own blood and had to do a lot of thinking about the future.

Basically, every time I ask about getting a job with my degree people keep telling me that “no one does this for the money.” Look, I’m a security guard for the money, and I think if you told your teachers they wouldn’t get paid they’d stop coming to class.

Now, if I’m not going to be able to support myself with a degree in theatre then I need to commit to a second major, and I need to do so before the summer.

I did try play writing as a supplement. Figured that I’d get my name out there with live theatre then move on to movies. It was a long shot but gave me at least some justification to take an extra year in getting my degree, but that was a disaster. 

Justice and Force - Blaise Pascal

Wish I was Still this Fat

So, when I was twenty pounds lighter I wrote this as a blog and that now all but forgotten social network MySpace. I always looked at journaling as a way of documenting and evaluating my life and it never worked out that way.

Well, I found that the people in my life didn’t want me to be happy and healthy and that was the reason for my problems. I have less people in my life now but I’m still having trouble turning things around.

15^th December 2005

Okay,

          I’m no good at this journal stuff, and blogs are still a new thing for me, but I milled it over with some of you hard-core Myspacers out there and figured this was a good idea.

          To start things off I have a problem, at 285 pounds I could make a reasonable stand in for Fat Bastard, every time I try to sprint I bust a shin splint, and finding belts has gotten to be a real embarrassing exercise. So my intention with this blog is to record my feeble workout program in order to embarrass myself into good health.

          Let me start with what I know. What is the problem? I’m over weight. What causes this problem? I have no time for exercise, a bad diet, and (the biggest problem) a psychological condition that makes me feel hungry when I’m not. I know, I know now a day’s every one claims to have something wrong with their head that makes them what they are. Everyone has ADD or PTSD or some other problem. As for myself I’m not going to bother putting a name on whatever it is I have. Let’s just call it stress and say that I may or may not be taking Prozac for it. However, I have a limited supply of Prozac and once I’ve used it up I will have no more.

          Why? The point of medication is to treat illness that’s how drug companies make their money. I don’t feel I need a treatment I need a cure. Every day I will be recording my workouts, consumption of food and supplements, and sleep. I will also be blogging some of the things I do to relieve stress in my environment. 

Originality - Franklin P. Jones

Amidst the Mists

As a Life Continues

 

This is an essay from a summer school class I took when I was seventeen. To the best of my understanding it lasted a total of twenty eight days. Each day we would write an essay and it be graded. On the last day we would submit an essay to be evaluated by and independent body.  If the Essay was not good enough we would not graduate high school. I had to take this because I suffered from a learning disorder that I was in therapy for when my mother passed. The old man was unwilling to keep taking me to this therapy.                                                                  

‎June ‎23, ‎1997

As a Life Continues

 

 

I was born in nineteen seventy nine. I am told that my (Yule) cut the umbilical cord but could not remember it later. My mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer within months of my birth. Due to this I have never been shocked by the progression of the disease. At three years of age I encountered one of the most complicated and common parts of modern life, divorce. My (Yule) has often reflected on my misunderstanding of the situation, "you asked why I did not come home anymore," and he would chuckle about it as if it were funny. I spent the majority of my young life in a pool, it was a small pool but adequate. My (Pony Girl) and (Pickle) were often there with me. (Pony Girl) was always the thinner of the two. (Pickle)  was a pudgy white fat child with a real attitude problem. He was spiteful and hated honor students. It will be my belief for all time that my mother’s death was the end of my childhood. When you stare in to your mother’s cold dead face, you grow up. The truth is you have no choice in that matter; you just can’t go on without a change.

         

One thing that has always been part of my life even when I was very young was school.  You see my mother was a science teacher as well as a pharmacist. She had graduated from a four year university with two diplomas in mildly related fields. As a three year old I was teaching mother's class with her and, of course, listening to many teachers’ discussions. The early exposure probably gave me some kind of an advantage over other children. In North Whittier elementary school I had problems being understood by other children. This may have had something to do with my vocabulary, as it tested to be three years advanced. I was miserable at Catherine Edward's Jr. High, this was due to the activities of PE. For example Stones were hurled at me during athletics and racial slurs were a common part of life. I will never forget the time some fool called me a Nazi. Being a Jew, I easily explained his folly to him but he failed to understand, "you’re a dirty Jew and a Nazi," he said to me. For this reason, I have ever since tried not to explain things to the grotesquely stupid. Finally I went to Pioneer where I had experience in drama, music, and photography. The overall experience of Pioneer has been very wearying physically and mentally.

 

For the future I would like to put forth the skills I have learned in the Theatre. I worked on lighting sets for some time and found it intriguing. It was this that sparked my interest in technical support and organizational tech. Moreover, I have gained skills in the field and even now I would make an excellent grip. What is a grip? Well he is the man that carries heavy equipment for theater and film production. In other words, a grip is a human pack animal that is renowned for his strength and endurance. However if the field for any reason does not fit my lifestyle I plan on adding engineering to my abilities. Electrical workings are already an important part of my life and taking the next step from repairing is designing. Most of electrical engineering is color coated and ultimately very simple to work on. The knowledge I have obtained should make mastering this field no more difficult than any other of my interests. If even that proves poorly matched there will always be related fields or other areas of interest for me to follow. I'm not concerned about finding a suitable occupation.

Interested in Other People - Dale Carnegie

Three Good Dogs

14^th January 2012

Dear Cassi,

When I was a boy my mother bred boxers. They were big lovable dogs to my young eyes and even as I have little memory of the three dogs that belonged to her they are still a fond thought. She named them Bessy, Beoly, and Butch. Butch the only male was the last and only dog to die of old age.

Bessy and Beoly met tragic ends. One was killed by a car when she ran into the street. The other dog ran into a burglar who kicked her in the jaw and killed her. She would have torn into him, I’m sure, but he wasn’t even steeling from my house.

Well, as I said old Butch was the last of my mother’s dogs to walk this world. In his old age he developed tumors on his paws that broke open and bled. Old Butch was not one to whimper, so he never made much mind of them.

I recall the day he passed. I had just gotten those dog treats that look like little O bone stakes and had put them out for him when he just lay down. His eyes were open and to my young mind I had no idea what to think of his lethargy. I tried to put a dog treat in his mouth, but he sat still.

My mother came out and took him away and told me that he had died. Mom was never one to mess about with facts. She never told us about the tooth fairy, and she never said that our dog would go to heaven.

    

All things that live must someday die, and Butch had a good death. I recall no tears for the old dog as his passing was so slalom and gentle. We should all hope to go so well.

Stay safe, Cassi,

Richard Leland Neal