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Monday, February 19, 2018

A Man so Broken as I

6th January 2017

Dear Cassi,

A nimbus appears around every light when I look through my left eye. This is my body’s way of saying that I haven’t had enough water to keep the toxins out of my blood. I haven’t strained myself enough to justify this problem, but it came up anyway.

Over the last few days I’ve been pushing the consumption of vegetables. Pickle has been picky about that and I spent the last half of the day cleaning out the crap in my work room. There was cat spore that had been left from the time of my last litter of kittens more than a year ago.

I used the broom to sweep up the old cat litter and the smell of urine filled the air. This is depression. This is the look of a man so broken as I, and a man looking to change things. I have my better days like this one when I clean things up, and my bad days where I can’t get out of bed.

I’m told the Japanese have a tradition of filling in cracks in broken things with gold because the history makes them more valuable. I’m not sure you can do that with my home or my life for that matter. Then again if history makes a thing more valuable than I am worth more than gold and so are you.

Stay golden, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal