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Monday, April 3, 2017

Depression Got the Better of Me

4th October 2016

Dear Cassi,

I’m feeling low. To be clear my depression has gotten the better of me, and I have suffered for it financially. I have less than a month left on my Unemployment, but I need to reopen the claim. My comics, both ‘Jonny American’ and ‘Random Street Theater’ are far behind in posting, and my life is torn and broken.

I keep saying to myself that today will be the day I turn things around, but even when I get a good start I fizzle out. As if depression were some old cloak that took on the stains and stench of life and is too thick and cumbersome to walk with I cast if off and find the cold biting then take it up again.

Here, in the morning chill, I sit looking over the chores and tasks that lay before me like obstacles in some great course or leering faces promising pain and toil. Even as I write this I find myself full of digressions. I should keep at it until I’ve finished, but I stop and doddle.

I think that is my life, a doddling, a pile of things I should have done. In this room, in this house, in this world, just piles of things left undone and waiting for some unknown event to rouse me like some daemon from a long forgotten crypt.

Keep after things, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal