Emotions

I’m reasonably sure this is an assignment from an English class I wrote back in 2004. It’s hard to believe that as a twenty four year old I wrote so much like a child but then I was suffering from a deep depression.

I’ve had to edit this text some because of all the typos that would make it almost unrecognizable as literate writing. Indeed, if I were ask to read this now not knowing it to be my own hand I would have thought the writer insane.

23^rd October 2004

Emotions

Once I felt angry, I had worked as a rover for 90 days marking more than one year with my company and they didn’t give me my raze. All it would have done was put me back to my starting pay. They had promised me that much. I didn’t want to work for Burns after that I had thought it was a good job but they just did not holed up there end of the bargain. After that there was just a weight on my back. I just didn’t have a will to work for people that lied to me. I stopped answering their calls after a while. To do that hurt I always liked being reliable before that but it just felt like I had betrayed myself.

         

Depression is an emotion I know well, sometimes you can see it in my eyes dark places no madder how much I sleep. It feels like the world just jumped on my back, and I can’t get it off. I have a good reason to (Pickle) is mentally disabled; I could spend the rest of my life taking care of him and never be free of it. It builds anxiety knowing that you live with a man that is not stable. You feel like he is always they’re hiding in the shadows and you wonder when he will snap once more. I can’t bring friends over much, who would want their friends to see such depravation from joy.

And then on to joy. Joy is a sense that I have been raised from the ashes of my world. You’d never see it in me; I never was a man to show emotions. It’s just such a light tingle that I can never really know of I feel it or what makes me feel that way. Joy is such a tender thing: it so easily can wilt and die. Like a fine wine held in the mouth forgotten as soon as it’s swallowed.

Emotions are not like me. People think that I don’t like fun you can’t really feel. In a way it’s true, I’m have felt so much I’m just a bit numb. I have never been one to care what I felt. It’s what I thought strong appeared to be.