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Thursday, March 12, 2015

Dark Spot

26th August 2013
Dear Cassi,
Over and over I’d had this vision in my head. This is not a dream of speak of or a hallucination, just a transient thought that crops up every now and then. I see an object in the darkness white and devoid of color like some star in the heavens. This is a vessel, a ship, a capsule containing the human soul. It sinks into the void as the stars grow dim.
Just as it has become the last point of brilliance in a darkening cosmoses, just as the stars have faded from white, to amber, and then to near imperception the vessel rises. It rises as if escaping from some cosmic maw. It rises and then I can no longer see it in the darkness.
Is this death I see or life. What is the image and the meaning? A wish I think. This is a wish to turn my life around in a single moment and rise from the darkness forever.
There is an ample nature to my darkness. Today Pickles made a comment to me that choosing between his sister and myself to govern his money was like choosing between the guillotine and the gallows. This is a man who would rather live in a slum than spend his money even with the threat of this money being taken from him as his disability must be too much if he can have so much in the bank.
He lives off the government dollar and wants to pack it all away. What is money if the reason for it is only to have it tucked away? I imagine I’ll never be so fortunate to know. As for Pickles, he is now his sister’s problem. If only that were as true in body as it was in finance. Well, I’d best get to the act of rising.

Rise above, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal