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Monday, October 8, 2012

A Scar to Open

18th April 2012

Dear Cassi,

Well, I have a scar to open and a bit of business to get out of my guts. Emotional scars are just like real ones in that regard. They can leave things in you that will keep you sick for years if you fail to get the whole bit out.
You will recall that it was at a very dark moment in my life that I last talked to Turtle Nose. I was soon to lose my job but had worked my last day with the company. My world was collapsing in on itself and hearing from that fellow was the last thing I wanted to happen to me.
Well, depression kept me from writing an accurate letter. The account was just too jarring for me to finish. There is a good amount of shame in my chest for those actions and even now recalling them is not easy.
You may remember that it was more than a month after the fact when I wrote you of what had happened. The one thing I left out that I had to say was that my last words to Turtle Nose were “Do you really think you can lie to me after all these years?” I know I’ve forgotten something he said in there somewhere but I recall that one question that I had omitted from my letter on the subject.
The pain that comes to me is that I knew he was a liar and never called him on it until then. Here was a thing that put so little value on our friendship that he would not get my name right. He expected me to put up with every bit of crap he sent my way and he thought that I believed his bull all this time.
I’m disappointed in myself, Cassi, disappointed that I let this business go on for so long and disappointed that I called so poor a quality of folks my friends who would walk away from me so easily.

Cast out the lies, little sister

Richard Leland Neal