Shadow of a Dream - Shakespeare

High Degree of Solemnity - Ambrose Bierce

Unknown Number of Minutes

Just a Short Letter

I found this letter in a pile of paperwork I had in a box and felt the need to publish it so the world could see. This fellow was my closest friend for eighteen years before returning from the army and making my life hell until I couldn't stand him any longer. Even in this letter he refers to me as "Rick" refusing to get my name right.

He evidently told his mother that we were no longer friends, because I wouldn't let him call me Rick. That's a good enough reason for me. 

And Many Good Gifts

Mary Christmas

Ask Great Things - Teresa of Avila

Personal Slavery - Abraham Lincoln

Use What You Acquire - Gulistan

Natural Ability - Cicero

A Friend in Power - Henry Brooks Adams

Spider Webs Unite - Ethiopian Proverb

Angles With One Wing - Luciano DeCrescenzo

The Bad Things

 

The Crying Child

25^th November of 2010

Hay Doc,

It's thanksgiving and I'm stuck at home, but it gives me time to shoot off and email I've been meaning to send. I thought you might get a kick out of knowing that I sent my essay to a friend of mine who had some trouble in the love department. By trouble I mean her husband ran off with every dime she had then she had to sue him to end the marriage. After that she got beaten by her boyfriend and so on. Sad how afoul follows you in life.

So I sent her my essay one and she got a sense of satisfaction out of it. She kept asking herself why she didn't leave either of those two men sooner and my essay gave her and answer. It's not the best answer that our studies this semester can give, but like a firefly in the darkness it gave her a friendly light.

I don't suppose you'd know how much the small things can mean to those of us who live our lives in the nether of the human experience. Well, let me tell you a story. When I was seventeen I was over at a friend's house when I heard a baby crying. As an act of instinct I picked up the child. He wasn't yet three days old but he had a set of lungs on him. I couldn't feel anything in the diaper so he hadn't soiled himself. It didn't appear as though he was hungry. Can't tell you how I knew that, but I did.

I stroked the boy's cheek with my index finger and blew air in his face only to have him stop crying for a moment then go on again. Rose, it was her house and I was a friend of her son, came in and said “you'll make a wonderful father some day.”

“I don't think so,” I told her. “I can't get him to stop crying.”

“No one can, Richard,” Rose told me. “That baby was born addicted to cocaine.”

Thing is that the essay to my friend is like my breath to the baby. It may have given her no more than a moment of peace in the deluge of suffering that is her life, but a moment can mean a lot. That's kind of the difficulty of clinical Psychology, it is impossible to take the patient out of the toxic environment, one can only aid them in finding peace within themselves.

I didn't want to mention this before you graded the paper so it wouldn't look like I was trying to get a better grade, but I felt you'd like to know.

Happy thanksgiving

Richard Leland Neal

Explain Puns

 

The Row Principle

4^th June 2015

Dear Cassi,

I ran into an old memory the other day in preparation for something, and felt I should share it with you. It’s funny how the world works like that, and something just pops back into my head after so long.

       

When I was in middle school, after my pool exploded and my mother passed away I got very out of shape. I couldn’t run ten steps without getting winded and I felt old. Funny to think you should feel old at eleven, but I felt old none the less.

       

Now I went to middle school and had P.E. once a day like every other fellow and so had to do with a P.E. teacher I’ll call Row. He kind of reminded me of an old crow carved of withered wood, but I’m going to call him Row so as not to offend that bird. I couldn’t spell his real name off the top of my head but what does it matter?

       

In any case, we were running the field one day and I was dead last with the old Row pacing me. I kept my speed even though it hurt like hell, and I had to close my eyes from the pain. I was out of breath and aching but would give him no ground. 

To add injury to insult his knee stopped working, and he ran with one stiff leg but could have out ran me at any moment. Somehow we were talking. I couldn’t give you an explanation for that, but mostly he was talking.  He told me how he won track meets as a coach by pacing the worst runner and making them keep running.

“The last runner gets down to a slow trot,” he told me. “I keep telling them not to give up. Come on, pass just one more kid.”

Row would focus on his weakest point, and this would make the largest impact on his work. It’s a funny way of looking at things until you break it down. Like I said for my projects, “if you have a car with a good engine but a bad transmission it still will never run.”

If you want to paint and you can’t paint clouds maybe you should paint clouds until you get it right. If you’re bad at something work at it until you get it right.

I will call this the ‘Row Principle’ your weakest point is where you can most improve.

Never give up, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

Potential and Sitting -Around Time - Maria Bamford

 

Love for Pools

2^nd June 2015

Dear Cassi,

I’ve always had a love for pools which is no wonder in the state of California because of the heat, but did I ever tell you about the pool I had as a kid? It was one of those above ground jobs with steel sides and an uneven bottom. I loved that pool. I would come home from school and jump in wearing nothing but my jockeys and for most of my young life the water went up to my chin making me prance around.

I did very little swimming, but I loved the water so that I would just do laps walking from one end of the pool to the other. There was a time that the pool was heated, but the heater broke, and then we took it apart. I remember it being full of dust and old plastic bracelets. The base had been made of loose red bricks which became toys once unearthed.   

I used to build temples and army bases of those old bricks. A few I crushed back into dust, but why I couldn’t tell you. I never knew how sick my mother was until I was nine, and she never had the time to be there for me. I remember my happiest moments as a child being alone with my thoughts. I was a world onto myself back then and in a way we all are now.

You can figure that’s part of my keeping to myself now days, but there is much more to it than that condition. In the darkness of our lives we should let our mind grow distinguished and wise but keep our hearts young and able.

Well, one day I came home to find the side of my pool burst open and the back lawn teaming with insects floating in the chlorinated water. That was the worst day of my life at that point, but I didn’t know it yet.

Know what you have, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

Brother of the World - Philip Bailey

Mental Health Facility Cover Letter

12^th January 2015

My Dear Friends at (Mental Health Facility),

I take interest to your position as a Residential Counselor because of its relevance to my occupation of the last four years. I worked with young adults in a homeless residential setting. In this setting I dealt with vomit, urine, and other body fluids and was often told that I handled the worst parts of the job with grace and professionalism.

I can say with honesty that many of the clients commented that I was a patient and kind man who could always be relied upon to help them no matter what their problems. I took a great deal of pride in my work.

I also hold a BA in Psychology but sadly have taken few units in early development. I believe I’m good with children, but in honesty have rarely worked with them.

Thank you for your time,

Richard Leland Neal

Not a High One Wants to Get

22^nd December 2014

Dear Cassi,

       

Today I got some bad news with my lab results. It would appear as though my blood sugar is too high. It was bad enough when my work required me to take a health evaluation and now I have ‘health coaching’ to endeavor to keep my medical benefits at some reasonable price.

       

My work required a lab for this and my doctor insisted this be a fasting lab so after twelve hours of fasting, a morning of calling and rushing to get lab results, and making myself sick over things I learn that my blood sugar is one hundred and one. Four points into the pre-diabetic range.

So this is sobering but not unexpected. I have a love for soda and I eat too much junk from the machines. When you’re fat like me the world looks at you like you grew a second head, but a high of four points could just be an anomaly. Other than this and the fat I’m in perfect health.

Wish me well, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

Going Green

I recall writing this as a suggestion to management at the homeless shelter I worked at back then. Then I remembered that I hated them and they treated me like crap so I never really finished the correspondence. You tell me if it was a good idea.

Sometime in November of 2014

Going green,

As a homeless rehabilitation program we always have a great need to both reduce costs and improve public relations. One angle that may be effective is to approach donors and volunteers with a desire to improve the campuses water consumption rate by planting drought tolerant plants, adding water crystal to lawns and installing water soil moister sensors. 

This would reduce our water bill providing more funds for other needs and appeal to both advocates for the homeless and environmentalists. Expressing a desire to become the greenest shelter in California may also bring us welcome public attention.

As a shelter we could then express that we assist the homeless in a responsible and environmentally friendly way. After all, what good is helping the homeless if there is no world for them to live in once they’re back on their feet?

Donors seeing or hearing about this can then feel confident that their money is well spend, and that their donations have a direct impact on the well being of all Californians.

No Bed to Sleep In

2^nd November 2014

Dear Cassi,

       

For so long in my life I’ve had this image in my head. It’s of a dark universe dotted with stars, but in this darkness there is an abyss. I see a star falling into that abyss and feel it on the cusp of becoming nothingness.

       

The other stars go dim and all hope vanishes for the little speck. The darkness closes in and all light is gone. Then there is a flash and the speck rises from the nothing. It holds itself against the velvet blackness and births and infinite number of stars. To me this has always been the symbol of hope from hopelessness and triumph from defeat. Then you could chock it up to me being eccentric.

       

Over the weekend I’ve run my normal loads of dishes but added in the work of clearing out my bedroom with the hope of removing the smell of cat poop and placing back in this room my entire bedroom set. My bed is now in pieces across two rooms waiting for me to reassemble it once I’ve cleaned and dried the carpet. I cannot clean the carpet until the morning so I must take my rest on the floor tonight.

       

In other news, my novel received no reviews over the last month and it should have been rejected. For some reason undisclosed the publisher granted an extension. What another month will do for me in their system of review I couldn’t say. In thirty one days no member took the time to read and review my work and another month may be just as fruitless.

       

This is a moment of darkness for me. I have no bed to sleep in and my hope is lost in the darkness. Oh well, I do as I have before and square my shoulders to the task ahead.

March on, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal 

Halloween Three Years Ago

I clearly wrote this some time ago and then I was working with the homeless. Things change.

31^st October 2013

Dear Cassi,

           

Well, the cats got past their first Halloween with no casualties even if I had something of a scare when pickles came home. He left the door open and caramel nearly got out. As it was late I think he would have been okay, but I’d rather not take the chance at getting him hurt. Halloween is the number one cat fatality day in America, or so I’m told, and I want to keep my furry wrecking crew off that statistic.  They scattered at the sound of trick or treaters as they rang the bell and called out for candy so I had no worry of the cats getting out until it was rather late.

           

I do have to say that the trick or treat crowd was rather annoying this year coming in at strength after eight and knocking on my door even after the lights had been turned out. I left the house early to deal with traffic and could still see a few of them on the street at nearly ten.

           

Another thing that bothered me was the rather young girls dressing in costumes that made them look, well, like strippers. It seems like every year the girls develop earlier but they shouldn’t be out at night showing it off. Even if we forget that this is a junior high student they should dress more sensibly for the night chill. I know it isn’t that cold this time of your in California but still.

           

This is one of the few evenings I was glad to have arrived at work. At least at work I know I’m dealing with folks over eighteen. Grant that my clients are a myriad of diseases that I wouldn’t like to come near.

Don’t eat too much candy, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

Cover Letter to a Homeless Shelter

15^th October 2016

My Dear Friends at the (Homeless Shelter) Center,

I am a security officer with eighteen years of experience and four of those were spent at the nearby (other Homeless Shelter). I’m sure you know it well, and further, know that in my time there I learned many of the points needed to function in your organization. I still go to visit Sister (Nun) from time to time.    

I’ve come to feel a great deal of pride in my work with the LGBT community and would like to continue that work with your organization. It has always been my way to see everyone as a person first rather than as an orientation or label and that has always worked out for me.

I know I would fit in well at your center and be a positive influence on clients and staff.

We are all one people,

Richard Leland Neal 

She Was a Phantom of Delight By William Wordsworth

She was a Phantom of delight

When first she gleamed upon my sight;

A lovely Apparition, sent

To be a moment's ornament;

Her eyes as stars of Twilight fair;

Like Twilight's, too, her dusky hair;

But all things else about her drawn

From May-time and the cheerful Dawn;

A dancing Shape, an Image gay,

To haunt, to startle, and way-lay.

I saw her upon nearer view,

A Spirit, yet a Woman too!

Her household motions light and free,

And steps of virgin-liberty;

A countenance in which did meet

Sweet records, promises as sweet;

A Creature not too bright or good

For human nature's daily food;

For transient sorrows, simple wiles,

Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene

The very pulse of the machine;

A Being breathing thoughtful breath,

A Traveller between life and death;

The reason firm, the temperate will,

Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;

A perfect Woman, nobly planned,

To warn, to comfort, and command;

And yet a Spirit still, and bright

With something of angelic light.

 

Can Use the Walk

13^th November 2014

Dear Cassi,

       

It has been something of a tradition with Pickle to reward those who drive him about with food, and as his best friend is now occupied in some academic manner he has turned to my services.

       

He picks the restaurant and often the food. I feel this is proper as he is paying and I never complain of his choices, but today I swayed things some in the form of a long walk.

       

It turned out that he wanted to eat at ‘In n’ Out’ burger and, in the time of doing so, find himself a sport strap for his sunglasses. I took to parking at the sporting goods store some half mile from the eatery and insisted we walk.

This proved to be a poor idea because eating and long walks are not often good bed fellows. The feeling of a large burger in you makes the body feel slow. Keeping my lunch down wasn’t easy but that is the price you pay for good health I guess.

Find time for things, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

An Odd Idea

It's an odd idea to me that in this world we speak of veterans over refugees or if someone needs help if they have tattoos. We talk of our civilized world, but I see people sleeping on the streets and know that we are still savages. To say that anyone should sleep on the street is the mark of a beast unfit to be called an animal and to call ourselves a free nation when anyone within our boarders is chained to low paying jobs, hunger, or fear, is that sad joke told by the most despicable of all creatures that is man.

Accused of Misconduct

29^th January 2015

Dear (Nun),

I yesterday received word from the labor board that I will retain my benefits as I may not be accused of misconduct. This finding is not set in stone as the company still has one appeal left but a reversal of the decision is unlikely.  

I can, however, confidently move on with my complaint of retaliation.

On another topic, I gave that script to (other person) some two years ago and in two years time he never found fit to read the volume. I can understand his family taking priority, but at some point I do need to give up on him.

I’ll grant this to be one of the bitter situations of my life given how rarely I can get people to read my work. Still, at some point I have to say that if he wasn’t going to read it he probably should have said so and not given me the run around.

Well, I guess then the question is: should I give up on him reading my work? I can’t imagine it will do me any good to remind him further.

Hope for the rain,

                            

Richard Leland Neal

Prozac and the Green Fairy

13^th December 2014

Dear Cassi,

       

I think most of us want to find a magic doorway that will transport us away from all our troubles. This has been a running theme in my family as the old man was fond of snake oil buying thousands of dollars of pills that eventually rotted in his cabinets.

       

Me, I’m no better. I read some were on the internet that alcohol hits you harder if you take Prozac. This is because the Prozac occupies your liver until it gets eaten up and so then the alcohol fills your liver like a flood. I reasoned that if it worked that way it might work the other way. This idea led me to have a shot of Absinthe ten minutes before taking my Prozac.

       

Much to the chagrin of my doctor I now take this medication on weekends as it makes me too drowsy for the night shift. I think my body was catching up on months of lost sleep but, well, the company has little love for sick men.

In any case, Absinthe is called the ‘Green Fairy’ because it’s one of the strongest alcohols you can get. It has a reputation of hallucinations and tastes oddly of bitter black liquorish.  

The Green Fairy didn’t heal my wounds. I didn’t feel any different after this experiment and I’m unlikely to try it again.

Do what you can to be well, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

Aladdin By William Glennon: Book Review

"Aladdin" adapted by William Glennon is a play that I was involved in back in high school. It was a fun little production that we cut up something fierce to get it on stage.

This adaptation is designed to appeal to young children and so it has little in the way of substance and more in the way of humor and jokes. The action is simple, the plot is wish fulfillment and the work is short and direct.  

Who should read this book? Theater Geeks looking to produce children's theater. 

Books' Read: 27 of 5,000

Pages 63

Total Pages Read for 'The 5,000 Project' 6,196

Feel the Love

Kind of Special Strange

The first signature from my 1994 Middles School Yearbook is from a history teacher and the second from a student who went on to be a cartoonist in high school. The lesson here is don't judge until you know people I guess.

Since the 5th Grade