Preferably with Restroom

17^th August 2017

Salutations Friends,

 I was just looking over your ad on Craigslist and noted that I may be right for your position as a graveyard Security Officer. I’ve maintained a Guard Card since nineteen ninety eight and am currently employed as a night guard.

I currently do many of the things that I would be required to in your position so the job would be very similar. I’m rather happy in my work save for one minor issue. It would appear as though the Officer I work with is rather territorial regarding the portable toilet.

When I addressed my concerns with management it was suggested that I use the bushes rather than the portable so as not to offend the other officer.  I have complied with this request, but I feel that this work environment isn’t for me. 

I’m sure you can understand,

Richard Leland Neal

In Four Years

10^th July 2011

Dear (Potential Employer),

I’ve been a Security Officer for the last ten years, but with four years of Grad School ahead of me I’m looking to stay one until I get my MS. I like my work as a guard, and I’m told I do it well.

At the start of this year I was laid off from my seven year employer and took that time to finish my degree. They lost more than 50 jobs that month, so I guess it was inevitable.

My last employer said that if business picked up they would call me back, but they knew I was soon to become a college graduate. I doubt they will have need for more Guards any time soon. They had lost ten jobs the month before and fifteen two months earlier.

In four years I hope to get my certification from the state as a Mental Health Counselor. I want to help people. I can get this degree without working another day if I wanted to cash in my retirement plan and come away with tens of thousands in debt. I don’t see this as an option. A man is better off working than borrowing.

I look for honest work for honest pay.

Thank you for your time,

Richard Leland Neal

Step Over Dollars

This was an observation essay for a writing class that I got an A- in.  The teacher harassed me to take more classes with her until I left the Theater Arts Major and moved on to Psychology.

11^th November 2007

Observation 2

Feeder gate: you could call it a public place because is normally bustling with activity just not at 2 a.m. on a holiday morning. To appraise it now in its stillness you would never believe that Saturday morning I was sealing truck after truck here with perspiration stinging my eyes. Every were you look this place is gray, the walls, the fences, the ground, even the trailers parked in there rows are painted the color of concrete.

Concrete, concrete, concrete! The word echoes off the building and comes back at me as if the property were laughing. Concrete to keep the boxes in, concrete to keep the thieves out, and a contract to keep me here when I should be out enjoying the rest of my youth.  Hideous slabs of concrete in every direction punctuated by graying colors in the moon light, black, green, brown, rust, as if they were unconsumed islands in the sea of gray. The trailers themselves are like massive gray termites with detachable head sleeping in their hive until they awakened to shuttle packages to the business world and expand other hives until all the world is covered with the gray resin of humanity.

The mosquitoes are keeping me company seeking me out by the smell of my breath over the honeysuckle. One good thing about the trucks during the week is that they keep these miniature vampires off me. I strike another from mid air with my hands and immediately wish I hadn’t bothered to move. The combination of eight hours truck fumes and a workout directly proceeding has left me in a state of misery.

I press up against the plaster walls of the guardhouse and look out at the trailers blocking the gate. Iron isn’t enough to keep the freight safe but a ten-dollar an hour guard is. Fools don’t know that they step over dollars to pick up dimes. Then one of the managers comes out here, a walking penis with its foreskin held down by a tie, I just nod and smile and hope they don’t let loose with me around. Can’t complain much, though, I make out better than most guards.    

In the shack the sound of that piss-poor old-ass air unit breathing its dying breath and the fan punctuate the still of the outside.  It’s too cold in here, but the cold keeps me from nodding off.

I get up and walk out the door for more of my typical pacing but find myself to feeble and sit on the hot concrete island. It’s cracked and pitted with deep gores were the truck hit it. I lean against the phone tower and look at the overflowing trash cans. It’s like they’ve vomited out the litter of truck drivers. They see the can is bursting and still they stuff and stuff. The drivers are all at home sleeping or having fun leaving their mess to be endured by the less fortunate. It’s like a metaphor for the world we have inherited we know what the problems are and we don’t actually do anything about them. Not enough anyway.

If there is one thing that is good about the feeder gate: Landscaping. Flowers and trees that look almost natural if they were not so well kept clash with the industrial nightmare of this massive automated dock. If I weren’t on duty and being watched by cameras I’d go sit in the grass and smell the aroma of the plants. I had never seen honeysuckle before I came here or at least never noticed the white and yellow flowers that smell like a subtler version of jasmine. It’s a good contrast to the eucalyptus and mingles growing with the other plants.

If you sat in the trees and looked to the sky you could forget that this place is what it is, but if you looked during the week the soot from the trucks would blot out the stars. It’s strange how quickly the world can heal.

                                         

The phone rings: “feeder gate, Officer Neal speaking.”  It’s the guard over at the front gate and she has never spent the night out here alone. I don’t blame you for being afraid little sister I’m not happy about working at this place without the right equipment either. I won’t walk this place at night without something to protect myself with.

I bet you’re all wondering why I work here if I don’t like it so much. Well, you’ll find out soon enough because I’ve devoted now some forty pages of one-act plays to the subject. Three total and counting and one of my smaller goals is to have two hours of my life as a security guard woven into the world of plays. However, a friend of mine ditched this type of work for Iraq so, yea, it’s pretty bad.

Bad 4th of July

Here we are with another old letter and one of the letters I want to get off my hard drive.

I went about describing the events of my life as a reporter in the hope that it would make a man’s life better only to have him turn into a toxic force in my life.

If anything is true it’s that we should watch who we call friends.

7^th July 2007 

Dear (Soldier deployed in Iraq),

The fourth of July was my first day off in two months. That probably doesn’t mean much given what you are going through, my friend, but it means little to me as well. I spent it cleaning the house. That’s a funny thing to do when you think of it, but I have not learned to clean as I go. I tried tracing back the moments to find when I started such bad habits. Probably when they started tearing up my home. Yes, I think that was it, it’s hard to think of cleaning a thing that is broken.

That is a point you probably can’t see. One of the strange truths of life is how much can change with a point of view. As a young man I was taught to value certain things, and then I was made to watch as they were destroyed in front of my eyes. Now I have a difficult problem to solve. Well, without suffering what is joy?

We have lost another guard. He was a small man. I think that it’s better for him because he got something closer to home. We gained one more guard, an older man who was removed from this post once for getting too chummy with the employees. He doesn’t look like he’s going to last but that’s no concern. Whatever comes with the new day will come and there is nothing I can do about such things.

I filled out my federal application for student aid. I don’t think I’ll get anything out of it, but then what can one do to change what they have made? If I do get anything out of the government then I’ll try to put in less hours because this and school are too much. Funny how you need the good job to get your degree, but the point of the degree is to get a good job.

Come to think of it I wrote another one act I can show you. I’ll put it in the envelope with this letter. I call it “Welcome to the Gurd Shack” I’m not going to include the first page, as that might be too heavy for one stamp. If it gets to you with more than one stamp on it then they sent it back to me.  

“A Mind Bending” Is coming along. It looks like it will turn out to be a full length play two male, three female, three voices. Funny thing is it’s almost the same story as “House Broken” only the events are totally different. It’s a play that is violent and dark giving a different perspective of the human mind. 

Anyway, old friend, don’t let the heat get to you,

Richard Leland Neal 

Letter to a Soldier on Deployment: “The Gurd Chack”

I haven’t posted one of these in some time mostly because I’ve been writing so many cover letters that I have no need to go back into archives.

This is one of those letters where I need to censer out the names. I sent these letters to a soldier on deployment in Iraq back in 2007. At the time I thought he was a friend of mine, but as I learned later the better of a friend I was to him the worse he was to me. Ah, well, shit happens.

1^st July 2007

Dear (Soldier),

Another week has passed, and it appears that we have a stable situation at work. Strange the difference fifty cents an hour can make, but the change in geographical location is a big deal as well. I still don’t have a breaker so I’m going to be on seven days, but as the only thing for me to do right now is spend time with (a few mutual friends) I don’t need time off. 

The new morning guard is a real card. He comes right on time or just slightly late. He doesn’t look like he is going to last, man’s got useless written all over him, but that’s what guards are all about. He may end up working here for the next ten years.

He told me all about his crazy uncle who let a train run over his leg. The uncle named his fake leg Keado. He once hid in the bushes with a paper bag over his hand and ambushed some Police Officers screaming “I’ve got a gun! You’d better shoot me before I shoot you!”  He took eleven rounds and is still ticking.

For a wile there was a sign in the Shack that said, “Keep clean the gurd chack”. I don’t know what a gurd is, but we all had a laugh about it, and (one of the guards) put up a sign over the door that read “The Gurd Chack”. I’m putting that line in my next short play “Welcome to the Gurd Chack. We’re so Glad You Came.”

I finished reading Dune for the second time. I still note that the writing style is in contrary to what people say is good but the originality of the story. Consistence is not one of Herbert’s things.  His Freman have more than one wife but Choni thinks that Paul should devote himself to one woman. If she were a real Freman she would think nothing of him getting with the princes.

The other thing about Dune is that there is a two-year gap in the story. It’s funny when you actually start to break things down how many fuzzy spots they have in them.  I think I may give the Tax hierarchy in my novel a title of nobility. The Secliconion Domain presided over by the Dominick and the war with Deam brought about by forces within the Domain hungry for more power. Even if the war is short lived the interruption of the Deam trade routes will cause a vacuum for other trading companies to fill.

What happened with Dune was a flood of information. Small stories that illustrated points. Paul riding a worm for the first time told us about worm riding. Fade fighting a gladiator expressed his tactics in personal combat. I think Rabban only appeared in one chapter but was talked about through the rest of the book. Every page brought so much about that the story as long as it was had more information than other stories of the same length. Fascinating.

My car has still got an annoying leak that (your stepfather) can’t find. I have a puddle under it the size of my palm every time I park. I’m going to take it to (another mechanic) but I have to find a place to be wile he works on it and no one appears willing to pick me up. If I can’t get this pile of crap working right in another twenty thousand miles it’s time to give up, but by that time I should have enough for a new car.

In other news your father is being a real pill lately. He’s upset because you don’t call him thinks you’re mad at him. Well, he should get it by now that mad or not it’s hard for you to get messages out to us and frankly if I were in your shoes I’d think him mad at me. Has he written like me, no, can he talk to you as often as (your wife), no. So other then bugging (her) about it how has he tried to contact his son? In no way at all.

Then there’s the issue of your student loans. He won’t even respond to questions about them. He could say they were with the school, and that would put the issue out of his hands. Then (your wife) would have to deal with financial aid. (Your wife) just wants to stay on top of things. It’s an admirable quality. (Your Father) should be happy that she’s getting this taken care of.

Stay safe, old friend

Richard Leland Neal

Security Director

Another cover letter with no call back. Well, you tell me what I did wrong.

My Dear Friends,

I take interest in your opening for a Security Director because of my more than ten years of experience as a uniformed Security Officer and my spring graduation from Cal State Fullerton with a BA in Psychology.

My last assignment of length with Allied Barton was at a factory that made parts for the US Air Force where I was offered the position of First Officer but declined because it required me to discontinue my education.

As an experienced Security Officer I can relate to Guards under my stewardship. My experience with security providers will allow me to deal with third party issue should they arise. My training in Psychology gives me a great advantage in motivating, communicating with, and understanding Security Officers so I can get you the most output for your investments in security.

My experience and training are strong indicators that I would do well as your Security Director, but let me give you a thought further. Back when I worked for Burns International Security I spent a good amount of time as an On Call Officer. In that post I had to know and work well over fifteen posts for as many contracts, and I learned about how many companies conduct their security. I was even called to evacuate government buildings after the 9/11 terrorist attack.

Over my tenure in security people have entrusted me with millions in property, national security, and their lives you can fill confident in doing the same.

Thank you for your time,

Richard Leland Neal

Letter to a Soldier: Lost Three Guards

I had forgotten about the time we had lost three guards at once and I was working so many hours that I couldn’t tell my head from my tail.

Would I trade now for then? Yeah, the economy was better.

25^th June 2007

Dear (Soldier),

Well, we lost another guard, and another guard, and another guard. I didn’t get to know number two but the first man was a long time officer and the last was a big guy who was new. The older guard quit because they started messing with his overtime. They can’t get people and now I’m working ridiculous amounts of overtime. It seams as if they should leave well enough alone.

(The big guy) was terminated, really terminated, for scribbling on the guard shack. I’ve been working double time all week because of this. It’s worse than normal. I really hope that I get a reliable guard in the morning shift. Well, you play the hand your dealt.

(Your wife) called me the other day and we talked for two hours. We are getting on as old friends now. She is happy, or appears to be happy, with the way things are working out, and that is also good.

My writing has taken a dive this week. I’m just not feeling in much the mood for it lately. Yet the world doesn’t weight for moods. I was working on yet another short at work last night when I just felt so spent that I couldn’t go on. I propped myself up in a corner of the shack and spent most of the night in a half asleep half awake state.

My relief officer came half an hour early, but it was (the swing shift Guard). He has been in the United States for about two years and came early so that I could help him with his English. He’s a Pole. “I will never speak as you,” he keeps saying. I ended up leaving right on time and had to drop things off at the main gate, some paperwork, which my company had misplaced.

I have to say that the state of things is very discouraging. Then you have it worse then I so I shouldn’t complain. When I was at (the junior college) it seemed as if every time something came within my grasp it was pulled away. Now I wonder, having to stay late is a really big issue. I was thinking of taking three years more to get my degree yet now I just want to get out of security.

Anyway, my friend I hope all is well with you. I’m once again off to work. They haven’t told me yet, but I’m working a twelve again. At least I’m paid by the hour.

Peace and long life,

Richard Leland Neal

Letter to a Soldier on Deployment in Iraq "News of the Week"

This was me being a good friend to a fellow who was in truth no friend of mine. Sometimes I would write to him three times a week.

Funny thing is being a good friend never did a thing for me.

In any case there was a lot going on in my life at the time, and all those wonderful plans I had then fell to dust. It comes to me that over my life everyone has fought with me and that fighting was all I could do.

Funny how it turns out that way.

29^th May 2007     

Dear (Soldier),

As always, I hope that my mail finds you in good health and I wish that I had something good to say. It’s the nature of the world that nothing wonderful happens or that something wonderful is happening every day dependent on your outlook on life.

My week was going well aside from the fact that I had not been to the gym more than once this week, then I arrived a work Friday looking forward to a three-day weekend. The first thing that happened was that my boss told me that I would be attending work Sunday. Not only had I already made plans, but I was leaving to spend the weekend with (our mutual friends) from work that morning. This put me in an understandably bad mood but there was nothing I could do about it so I limped along as you do until four o’clock.   

It was at that time when a man from the (Shipper’s) office came up to me and said “where are the other guards? Are you the only one out here?”

“Am I the only guard out here?” I looked around. Yep, one guard working four trucks, not good, “I have to be honest with you, sir, I have no idea where the other guards are.”

“I see,” he said and walked off.

As I was working on the trucks I could see him making a phone call from the guard house. He walked back up to me and said. “I left a voice mail with the head of security and your boss.”

That was when one of the guards did show up to get a major tongue lashing from the client. “He’s been out here alone for half an hour” and so forth.  Long story short my boss up at the office got a pissed off message from me, and he called me back and made hollow promises and gave me Sunday off.     

I spent the weekend watching movies, playing (video games), and cooking. It was fun. The fact that this was a group of men primarily put a damper in it but you have to take your fun as you can get it.

I just got your message. Sorry, my phone was charging in the next room. I hadn’t thought any of my mails had gotten to you yet. (Your step father) thought they would take three weeks. Did you get the letter with my play and the book? I Figured if you had not responded to my letter that you had a good reason so don’t worry too much about it. I remember working myself to death and not being able to write you.   

As far as the play goes I didn’t start out making a short, but it came to me that the jokes would get old after some time. It really is the same thing over and over again, and I couldn’t think of anything ells that would illustrate my point. I suppose that I could go through pregnancy and have the two of them pretend that they don’t have a thing going still, but the main thing is “did I get my point across.”

The other reason I’m working on short plays is because that’s what the school wants me to start with, and I need a good amount of them to bring the semester off right. I would like to show the class twenty pages of material a week and that is nearly double what I have now. That’s every thing I have written to this point doubled including both of my full length plays.

This class is the best opportunity I will have in my writing career, and I intend to fight for every thing I can get out of this experience. It really doesn’t look like I will have another shot at this, so I have to make it count.

Anyway, old friend, that is the news of the week. I’ve never been good at letters.

I hope I’m not boring you,


Richard Leland Neal   

The Words of a Man on the Edge

I had honestly hoped my first “Letters to Cassi” post would be a letter to Cassi, but I was poking through my old files and trying to get things organized when I found this old email. 

This was a case of the world and I being very stupid, and I had thought that reason would hold out over madness but the addressee, whose name has been removed, saw me as no more than a uniform.

This was a letter that cost me a job with a company I didn’t want to work for to begin with. It was written after a period of extreme sleep deprivation from overworking. I have to say that sleep deprivation made me do a good number of stupid things, and this isn’t the worst.

Here are the words of a man on the edge.

The date is when it was mailed four years ago.

24th of April 2007

Dear (Security director),

I noted in the post orders of (Unnamed Terminal) procedures
contrary to the safety protocols of the older post orders.
We are having problems with security officers having been
assigned to the post who are unwilling or incapable of
performing the post duties. The orders we had did not
contribute to the problem.

Your belief that security personnel not having at least a high school education are capable of doing my job merely compounds the problem. Many of the security procedures stated in the old post orders had never been properly enforced. There are two reasons for this happening.

The first is an inability to establish a long-term relationship with officers willing and capable of doing the job. This is a result of poor pay and bad conditions. Note that in the five years that (Security Company) serviced your terminal they received a pay raise of fifty cents. I learned from other officers that you had a seniority raise program but that it had been canceled. The two senior security officers assigned to the post had both given two weeks notice by the time I had arrived. My supervisor after two years of working for (your company) made less than a starting dockworker. When I brought this pay issue up with (Local Security Director) he told me to talk with (My Company).

Sir, honestly, every security company gave you what you paid for, no more, no less. Why would they give you a level of service that the contract fails to warrant? As it stands, you will pay more for security as a result of changes in California law. It is only a question of do you want to end the problems you have now or let them get more out of hand? Right now the difference may be as little as a dollar an hour. Paying this will save (the terminal) thousands in the upcoming months in driver and dock worker over time. Yes, that’s right, what you are doing is costing (your company) money.

The second component to the overall breakdown of security at (this terminal) is a failure by management in supporting security officers. I had employees threaten to have me terminated when I asked them to sign in. When I reported this the employees were not reprimanded. Other officers noted this and refused to ask employees to sign in sighting that if it were an issue a reprimand would have been in order.

To resolve the security issues that you have I would need to sit down with the post orders and update your outdated procedures. Then write a proposal to enact your grossly derelict policies. Frankly, that’s not what you pay me for, and my English skills are that of a man educated in the state of California at the end of the twentieth century, rather bad.

The problems I have described are not localized to (This terminal), the state or the region. They are the problems of (your company) as reported by Line Hall drivers.

Let me put this another way: like a detective, I have question suspects and witnesses, compiled evidence, and consulted with experts. My opinion is that security within (your company) is in need of major changes.

With nearly ten years of security experience, I can tell you what those changes should be, but I have to look after myself. (My company) has made me another offer, no better than yours, but I can’t just give up my seniority in the company.

I put my life on hold in the belief that people like (Local Security Director) and yourself would listen to reason. Then you smacked me in the face by contracting a security company that doesn’t even require a high school education. Had we  retained those guards that refused to work than (the old company) might still have this contract and you would get no better or worse service.     

Time is short,

Richard Leland Neal