Comedy Writer

                                5th November 2021

Hay Writer,

So you’re looking for a co writer to finish off a film script are you? Well, I currently work as a writer for Absurd TV. When I started they made less than twenty short films per season and last season, ending in October, they made seventy. These are mostly comedy shorts, but the point is that I’m high output comedy.

I have worked on full length films, none that have been made, but I can get a script finished. I started that in college where I took a class in film, having done well in theater writing, and I really took off.

In that class I was supposed to write ten pages in three weeks. In three weeks I handed in the first draft of a film. I got notes from the professor and handed in the next draft the following morning. Again, if you want to get things done then I’m your man.

I have worked with co authors before, but the fellow I worked with was more interested in writing for himself than writing for Hollywood. I’m here to write this thing and then get to the next project not to sit around and gather dust.

I’ve spent nearly forty two years on this rock we call Earth, and I’m not getting any younger. My take on things is that it’s time to get things done.

Hope to hear from you soon,


Richard Leland Neal

The Shire - Bucklebury Ferry

This unmanned ferry on the Brandywine River is one of the main crossing points between the Shire and Buckland.

After a close encounter with a cloaked rider, the raft serves as a literal lifeboat for the Hobbits. Huddled, they float through the night, hoping to reach safety before the pursuer crosses Brandywine Bridge.

The Shire - Bamfurlong

  

Located in The Marish, Maggot’s farm is well known amongst Hobbits for its abundant crop fields.

Taking a shortcut through the corn, the Hobbit pair stumbles upon Merry and Pippin, who are helping themselves to the bountiful harvest yet again. Before long, they have to run so as not to be caught by Maggot.

The Shire - Woody End

As the name might suggest, this region is located on the Eastern edge of Green-Hill and it’s one of the very few forests in the Shire.  Here, Sam and Frodo witness the last journey of the Wood Elves as they head to the Grey Havens, leaving Middle-Earth, never to return.

The Shire - South Farthing

  

Stretching from Three Farthing Stone in the centre of the Shire all the way down to its southernmost border, this warmer region is renowned for its lush fields and crops.

Frodo and Sam travel cross-country, as advised by Gandalf, in order to reach Bree. Although still in the Shire, this is an important milestone for Sam, being the farthest away from home he’s ever travelled.

The Shire - Bag End

 

This Evil cannot remain in the Shire, Frodo must leave cosy Bag End and travel to Bree.

There, Gandalf will meet him once more, after he has spoken with the head of his order, Saruman.

Angkor Wat

Finally, I arrived at the most significant complex on my journey, Angkor Wat, the largest religious monument in the world. Everything about this temple was carefully thought out, from the moat surrounding it, the architectural design, the geographical position and its purpose, in one word Angkor Wat is a masterpiece. It is the Khmer Empire’s greatest achievement and Cambodia’s crown jewel.

Built in the first half of the 12th century as a Hindu temple and mausoleum for King Suryavarman II, the complex covers an area of 400 acres, separated from the rest of the city by a moat that is 650ft (200m) across. This beautiful lake-like moat has a very important role in the survival of Angkor Wat. The weight of the water pushes against the earth and structure like a retaining wall, keeping Angkor Wat from collapsing. It is a symbiotic relationship which the architects intentionally planned when they designed this megastructure.

The architects wanted a dramatic and visually stunning structure visible from a long way away. They achieved that with a lengthy causeway allowing the grandeur of the temple to slowly unfold as it is approached.

Crossing the massive moat, I entered the main grounds through the central portal of the outer wall and found myself on the Terrace of Honour with stone balustrades decorated with sculptures of the serpent Naga.

To take in the expanse of Angkor Wat, I took a northbound perimeter walk, heading east and slowly winding my way towards the centre.

Passing the Reflecting Pond, I entered the concentric gallery through a handful of stairs and experienced the first of many wall carvings that formed military, mythological and daily life stories. The most iconic was the 160ft (49m) long relief known as the Churning of the Ocean Milk, a Hindu story portrayed as a tug-of-war between good and evil.

More than 2,000 statues of apsaras (female spirits) can be found in the temple, each one highly detailed showing masterful craftsmanship and the artists’ desire to bring the sculptures to life.
Entering the central terrace, I was met with the exceedingly steep, eye-watering, set of stairs that led to the final terrace. It was made up of five conical towers that represent the peaks of Mount Meru, home of the Hindu Gods. This final climb ended at dizzying heights but was worthwhile for the aerial views of the complex and surrounding jungle.

This brings me to the end of my journey. The city of Angkor is a remarkable testament to the Khmer Empire, its artisans and architects. It is also a reminder of the syncretic nature of its religion, as illustrated by the Hindu and Buddhist elements found in its architecture. The stone temples have endured for over 500 years and although extremely fragile, with ongoing conservation efforts I hope it will continue to endure for future generations.


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Reverse Osmosis

14^th August 2021

Dear Poseidon Water,

After seeing a short documentary on your company and reverse osmosis water I noted two issues with your desalination plant. These being that it uses a good deal of electrical power and that you are forced to dump brine into the ocean which will have an unknown impact on sea life.

Your facility being a large building with a nice flat roof I would have to ask why you don’t offset your power needs with solar cells. It would also make many of your workers happy if you placed a canopy of solar cells over the parking lots to soak up the sun and keep the cars cool. I can’t imagine that it would cover all your power needs, but it would put some criticism to bed regarding what you do.

As far as the brine, or water with a high salt content resulting from your purification works, why not dry it out further and sell the salt? Salt has often been one of the most valuable commodities and were as the water you take in may not be clean enough to make sea salt it would at very least make industrial salt which has a market value. 

Now, I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I do know that we need more water and that’s what you provide. Reducing your cost, carbon footprint, and over all negative impact rings true and supports your business model. The truth is that I have little faith that water conservation can slow climate change. In fact, watering our plants less may even spur it on.  Yet with enough plants like your own we could move our water reclaiming efforts further inland, and make the dry sands of California bloom.

 

Best,

 

Richard Leland Neal

 

Angkor Wat - Bayon Temple

Exiting Ta Prohm through its eastern gate, the next 9mi (14km) was spent walking through the countryside, past rice fields, ruined temples and reservoirs heading towards Preah Khan temple.

Preah Khan was built by Jayavarman VII in honour of his father. Just like Ta Prohm it has been left with trees and vegetation growing out of the ruins with only stabilisation works undertaken. The highlight here was the two-storied building supported by numerous circular columns. No other building like it exists within Angkor. Intricately built, no one knows its purpose and although I’d like to imagine it as a library, it is speculated that it might have been a granary.

A mile later, I re-entered Angkor Thom through its northern gate. The largest complex of all the temples, it has an 8 mi (13 km) perimeter wall with five gates, surrounded by a moat. Within its walls are several magnificent stone temples and the beautifully carved Terrace of the Elephants. The 1150ft (350m) long terrace was used as the King’s viewing and ceremonial platform. The detailed elephant reliefs run along the sides of a staircase that is flanked by elephant trunk carvings and lion sculptures atop it.

In the centre is the splendid yet tightly packed Bayon Temple. Built as a Buddhist temple it also has elements of Hindu iconography. There are four giant faces embedded on each of the 54 towers rising from the galleried enclosures and upper terrace. It is theorised that the face is meant to depict Buddha but given its arrangement of four faces per tower others argue that it is the face of Brahma, a Hindu God, who according to ancient texts is meant to be shown with four heads. Many scholars also see a striking resemblance to King Jayavarman VII, the builder. With different schools of thought, some concluded that the theories need not be mutually exclusive. Jayavarman was a Buddhist but he followed the God-King traditions set before him by his Hindu predecessors.

Bayon was the last temple built in Angkor. After Jayavarman’s death in the early 13thC. many other building projects were met with limited success. Bayon Temple marked the end of monument building even though the capital continued to carry on until its final demise.

Standing in the temple’s presence, tranquillity came to mind. It was quiet and calm as if the faces were emitting a peaceful energy. The crowds were moving softly, lots of nooks presented themselves for peaceful contemplation. I stopped here for a while immersing myself in some stillness and mindfulness.


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Angkor Wat - Ta Prohm

It was with great anticipation that I arrived at Ta Prohm temple. Possibly the most photographed temple in Angkor due to its unique appearance and subsequent rise to fame when it was used as a location setting for the 2001 Tomb Raider feature film. It’s not every day that you see trees growing out of ruins but that’s exactly what the jungle did during Angkor’s dormant centuries.

Ta Prohm was built by King Jayavarman VII around the late 12th century in honour of his family. He was the most prolific Khmer builder, constructing hundreds of monuments in as little as 40 years. The complex with the temple at its centre is made up of five wall enclosures. The outer wall is significantly larger and surrounded by a moat. Much of the internal space is now forested but this area once teemed with life when the complex had as many as 12,000 people living within its walls.

The three inner enclosures are galleried. With a low roofline, the interior passageways are very dark with little light filtering through the windows from outside. Some of the external walls have carved decorations of deities, meditating monks and temple guardians.

When restoration works began on the complex it was decided to leave it untouched allowing the trees to co-exist with the buildings they have grown over. Whilst it provides a fascinating view, the concerns are that the trees weigh heavily upon these fragile buildings. Although conservationists have added iron supports in some of the passageways, many of the ceilings in unprotected sections have collapsed under the weight.

Wooden walkways have been installed to protect the temples and as I walked around the complex I marvelled at the huge trees, snaking their roots along the temples’ roofline, spilling down the side like a fan. As nature strangles the narrow passageways it lets it be known that at any time it can reclaim itself and anything within it.



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High Concept

                                               8th November 2021

Dear Producer,

Alright, what you’re looking for is a low budget, costing little to produce, high concept, will make a lot of money, film script. Just as a note, the term ‘high concept’ gets tossed around a good deal, and I have never really encountered a writer who doesn’t want to make money. It does, however, imply that this film will not be hitting the conventions and will be produced to play in theaters.

In that vein, I have a few scripts that I can pitch. ‘Walker in the Trees’ where a man needs to save his friends from serial killers. It’s your good old cabin in the woods type horror movie, PG-13, with a few supernatural elements to make it stand out.

I have ‘Never Will’ a romantic comedy about a woman who needs to build the confidence to go after the man she wants. It has few characters and locations but is mostly an illustration of toxic relationships.

Then there is ‘House Broken’ about a man trying to escape a toxic family. It’s ‘The Glass Menagerie’ on steroids and updated for a modern audience. I wrote it to be performed live so it all takes place in one location.

I would think the first one is the most promising, but then finding a script tailor made to your needs can only be accomplished by tailor making one to your needs. You mentioned having a few concepts you’d like to discuss with the right author. Well, I would point out that if you like my work but it fails to suit you by the time you’re looking for another script I can have finished one of your ideas and have it ready for you.

I currently work as the one staff writer for Absurd TV, a small YouTube channel, and we have five or six scripts ready to shoot, maybe twelve scripts on the back burner waiting for funding, and I’ll write another short or two tonight.

When you’re looking for a job you don’t stop sending out applications because you have an interview. The same thing should really apply to finding the script you want to produce. The economy rises and crashes and the faster you get projects going the less likely you are to be impacted by that problem.

If your first project is doing very well, then the best time to pitch the new one will be as people congratulate you on the old one.

Just a thought,

 

Richard Leland Neal

Angkor Wat - Angkor Thom

The medieval city of Angkor once served as the capital of the Khmer Empire, the indigenous people of Cambodia. Only 3mi (5km) east of Siem Reap Airport, it is very closely located and easily accessible. A thriving ancient megacity, at its peak it housed up to one million residents and contained several hundred temples with over 70 of them found inside the core of the city.

The temples were built over a period of 300 years, first dedicated to Hinduism and later to Buddhism. King Jayavarman II, the first king of the unified country circa 9th century, declared himself a Devaraja (God-King) and as such built himself temples for king-worship. Although very little remains of his structures, Jayavarman set the ground for succeeding kings to follow.

Believing that the mountain was the centre of the world and a link between heaven and earth, the temples were built to resemble mountain-like structures with tall, tapering towers. By the end of the building period in the 12th century Angkor was the largest city in the world.

After repeated invasions from the Thai in the west, in 1432 the Khmer moved the capital to Phnom Penh and Angkor was abandoned. Over the following centuries the city was swallowed by the jungle and disappeared until 1860 when naturalist Henry Mouhot, in search of exotic insects, was cutting his way through the depths of the jungle and came upon the city.

Teams of archaeologists descended upon Angkor to study it until the mid-20th century when decades of political unrest left the city neglected. In the 1990s preservation efforts resumed and in 1992 Angkor was designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

I am standing at the Victory Gate within Anghor Thom and I imagine, as lore tells it, the King sending his army through the gate into battle and upon victory welcoming their return. The elaborate arched gate is adorned with four large heads, each facing a cardinal direction, representing gods and demons. At the inner corners of the gate are sculptures of three-headed elephants. Through the gate is a path lined with statues of gods and demons holding onto a seven-headed serpent known as Naga. Just as the army departed into battle centuries ago, I too began my journey heading to the famed Ta Prohm temple that’s been enveloped by giant tree roots.


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Inca Trail - Inca Lost City

Voted as one of the New 7 Wonders of the World and listed on the UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1983, Machu Picchu is a 15th century Inca citadel steeped in mystery and myth. Thought to have been built on the request of the incumbent Emperor Pachacuti as a royal estate, Machu Picchu is an engineering marvel. Built without mortar, the stones are cut so precisely, they fit perfectly together. Sitting atop two fault lines, during earthquakes the stones knock against each other and then fall back into place.

The rise and fall of the Inca Empire lasted a mere 130 years. Following the Spanish invasion of the Inca Empire in early 16th century, Machu Picchu was abandoned with the Spanish unlikely to have ever seen it. Left to the elements the citadel was grown over by vegetation and forgotten over the centuries until 1911 when Hiram Bingham III of Yale University, visited the site as part of an expedition in search of another city. Returning the following year, Bingham spent 4 months with local labour to clear the vegetation and the next 3 years excavating and studying discovered artifacts.

From here the final descent into Aguas Calientes is on a hair-raising 9km zig-zag mountain road called Hiram Bingham Hwy. Barely wide enough to fit two cars and lacking guardrails, it is an unsealed road and a rough ride that is not for the faint of heart nor for those who are prone to vertigo.

Once you arrive in Aguas Calientes, book yourself into a thermal bath to rest and recover your weary body. Take a walk through the local craft market before settling in for dinner. Try the Peruvian national drink, the Pisco Sour, whilst indulging in the spicy and bold flavours of Peruvian cuisine.