Build My Experience

 

23^rd January 2020

Dear YouTuber,

I read your Craigslist ad and I may be of assistance to you. I happen to be a YouTuber and screenwriter myself who has written a number of short films for the channel AbsurdTV. I also do much of the voice work for that channel and where as I’m not known for any awards I am known for being hard working and delivering content that can be produced on a budget.

I did take a few writing classes in college and have a few full length movie scripts sitting about. I currently work under a comedy focus with a basic point that I need to keep cost down. The simple fact is that I can write what you need if you can give me a good enough description.

Past that, I have a degree in psychology, I am a licensed security Officer, and I work with the homeless in Anaheim.  I’m a large man in my early forties and always hoping to get new projects that will build my experience.

Best,

Richard Leland Neal

Small Poorly Lit Rooms

 

12^th June 2020

Dear (Production Company),

I read your ad on Craigslist, and I may be able to assist you with a Sci Fi film. I currently have a property that would need some adaptation that was written to be a stage play. This would be a dark thriller taking place in small rooms at night with limited settings. There could be a few big set pieces if we have the budget, but for the most part we are dealing with Xenotranplant surgery and small poorly lit rooms.

I place more faith in my writing a film around the plot points you have as you mentioned in your ad. I wrote the first draft of my first film in three weeks in college. It is a horror script with stronger supernatural elements. It’s not what you’re looking for, but a solid film.

I have some credits on IMDB for my web shorts. I work with a channel called Absurd TV which is more comedy than anything else. I started doing voice work with him, and it lead to writing.

I have a degree in Psychology and a lifelong love of the Sci-fi film, as well as several credits in college for writing film and stage plays. My primary occupation is uniformed security which is a job that is easy to get, easy to lose, and more difficult than it sounds.

Hope to hear from you soon,

 

Richard Leland Neal

College Admissions Counselor

14^th June 2020

My Dear Friends,

I have received an email regarding your open position for a College Admissions Counselor and noted that my BA in Psychology places me in eligibility for the post.  My experience as a working American having pulled myself through the two year college system and fought past a four year to get my degree makes me uniquely qualified for the job.

I can say that I’ve spoken to career counselors and college advisors, but never felt that they listened or were receptive to my needs. I was the fellow that walked into their office, showed them my transcripts, and walked out having been told that I wasn’t doing too badly, but having gotten no real help in terms of where to go next.

In my current occupation, I work as a security guard, and I often question new officers about what they want to do with their lives. I help them form a plan as the older and wiser to the younger and less experienced. I have to say, I made my mistakes, and I do my best to keep others from making them as well.

Now, you are offering a part time job, that requires weekends, but I work a full time job, and haven’t had a day off in a month. I work every day I can, if I have nothing to do I’ll be in uniform guarding a homeless shelter or a truck yard.

I can say my job as a guard will be there for me if I work for you. Extra days and short weeks, winter recess, and spring break I need do no more than pick up my phone and go to the app to see what hours my current employer needs me for. I can even ask to be left off the schedule and pick up shifts when they become available. I should have no trouble balancing my life.

 

Best,

Richard Leland Neal

 

Linked to a Better World

3^rd July 2020

Hay (Famous YouTuber),

You may remember me as “Grandpa Swag" or “Benjamin Franklin Jr.’ from your movie club way back when.  Now I’m one of the depressed unmonitized YouTubers navigating the Covid 19 Pandemic.

So why am I reaching out to you? Well, a few years ago I decided to make my success linked to a better world. I figured I’d pay for a pound of trash to be removed from the ocean for every thousand subscribers. 

This is through a company called 4Ocean, and you can check them out if you want. Hell, if you don’t want to help me sending them some love is still a great idea. I’d like to be able to pay my electric bill, but a better world is a better world. For every one thing you buy from them (bracelet, t-shirt, cup, etc.) they pull a pound of trash from the ocean.

In any case, what I want is some help promoting this promotion. I can pay. I mean, I can buy subscribers at ten cents a head but I think paying you would be more effective. Or you could make this a PR thing, and I could send you a thank you box of 4Ocean gear. You could un-box this, and show people that environmentalists are giving you love.

I do recall you once asking for stories about depression. Well, not only am I clinically depressed and on medication, but I have a degree in psychology. I could certainly dedicate time to describing my experience to you. In addition, I work with the homeless so I have stories of mental health for days.

I already know you’ll say no or just ignore me, but that’s life.

 

Best,

 

Richard Leland Neal

 

Halloween Fail

26^th October 2020

Dear Krispy Kreme,

This is the second year I’ve went and got a Halloween Dozen from you folks and I can’t say how disappointed I am. I’ll grant you my days of buying two dozen of your doughnuts a week for my writing group is as far in my past as the writing group itself, but I now have something of a professional interest in your product.

 I bought a Halloween Dozen last year for my review blog and tried and posted a review of every doughnut. I wasn’t that impressed then, but I felt the doughnuts were at least competently made. I got four kinds of doughnuts then, three of each, and sat down with family and tried them all.

 This year I got six kinds of doughnuts, two of each, and two of these were not even Halloween themed. I paid for a Halloween Dozen and I wanted Halloween doughnuts. This is not to say that your Halloween doughnuts are all that great. Drake and Frank were under filled. Frank and Wolfie had stale ears and Wolfie got all over the place.

 What really chapped me is that I got two Glazed and two Chocolate Iced with Sprinkles in my Halloween Dozen when there was a Jack-O-Lantern and Pumpkin Spice Cake that I didn’t get to try.

 Will I go out and buy another dozen doughnut from you next Halloween. Yeah, I probably will, but I’ll be disappointed if I keep getting doughnuts that have nothing to do with the holiday.

 Sincerely,

 

Richard Leland Neal