Your Ad for Scripts

Working in the cold. April of 2019.

 

 

 14^th February 2019

Dear Film Person,

I’ve read your ad for scripts that can be developed for under one million dollars. I believe I have three or four properties that I have at least the first draft of that fit your criteria. I’m currently a writer for a YouTube comedy channel called Absurd TV, and I have written their next twelve films. Absurd TV is currently not interested in full length films so they are unlikely to option any of these titles.

The first and most finished film in my selection would be “Walker in the Trees”. This would be a basic Horror film, not a true slasher, with a primary setting. This film opens with the story of a man haunted by his sister’s ghost after she is murdered. He goes to find her killers only for his friends to fall into their trap. It all sounds like a normal horror movie until it’s the killers who start getting picked off.

The next script I have is called “House Broken” and it’s an art piece. I’ve written it as a stage play so it would be a one location, in a house, film with minimal overhead. This does include singing and dancing, super heroes, and other rather crazy ideas that will make it stand out. This is the story of a man named Arthur who is tortured by his family until he can take no more and leaves for the military to escape.

The next up, of which I have only written the first draft, is “Never Will” a story about two women, best friends, who want to be screen writers in order for one of them to impress her crush. This is a romantic comedy about toxic friendship and will stand out among other romantic comedies as it is more the coming of age story of the girls.

I’m going to say to you what I say to everyone I work with: show me what locations you have an I’ll billed a story around it. If you don’t like the films I have I can write one for you in a short period of time.  I wrote “Walker in the Trees” in college after a professor told me that horror films are easy to sell. I wrote seven pages a day until I had the first draft.

To give you my background, I have a degree in psychology and work as a security officer. Yeah, that’s right, I’m one of the under employed masses of modern Americans motivated by that fact that I’ll put on a uniform tonight and sit in the cold and rain to make a living.

I met the director of Absurd TV on the job and within sixty days I was writing for him. In a year and a half I have cut his cost in half and he is now posting videos more than ever. If you’re looking to keep it on a budget I’m your man.

Best,

 

Richard Leland Neal

Deadlines

7^th December 2016

Mr. (School Official),

If I may express myself neatly, I attended a class entitled “How to Become a Professional Film and TV Writer” and after several hours I felt no closer to that occupation than I was before the class. Further along those lines, the professor of this class was a Hollywood agent and not a writer.  It constitutes a conflict of interest for me as a writer to pay an agent for anything other than selling a script.

I’ll grant you that this was a free class, but before I got in the door I found something was not right with your program. Then I would have to point out that I checked the facts reported in the class and found that some of them were inconsistent with information on IMDB.com. If you want my money I expect the professor to do their homework just like the student. Failing to check facts is like failing to read student work. This would be the very basic requirements for a teacher and your professor came up short.

Then we have your professor telling the class about the most prominent script she had sold. She mentioned that she had been asked for a similar script by other studios and complained to them that they had not wanted that script when she offered it to them. I would expect the professional agent to sell the studios what they want. If you want a car this week and come in next week asking for an SUV the dealer is not going to get huffy and complain about what you asked for last week. They would just be happy to sell you whatever you want.

I could go on about foul language and inappropriate jokes, but let me hit it from another angle. The best advertisement your program can have is success. If I had attended that class and gone on to be a professional writer you would have a clear example of your classes paying off. Further, I would then have the money to invest in more education. In the contrary, if I knew how to look for work as a writer but failed to obtain it, my next question would be ‘why’, leaving the need for more education a possibility.

In short, I wasn’t happy with your program when it was free and now you fail to understand why I’m not paying for your services. If Hollywood were populated with your students and they spoke highly of you things would be different. However, I have no faith in your program as an investment.

I would recommend you contact me when you’ve made major changes to the quality of your education and have another free class for me to examine. In the mean time your extended deadlines only prove to me that classes are going unfilled and that other students have the same skepticism.

Kind regards,

Richard Leland Neal

Unplug the TV

TV - Goodman Ave