Your Ad for Scripts

Working in the cold. April of 2019.

 

 

 14^th February 2019

Dear Film Person,

I’ve read your ad for scripts that can be developed for under one million dollars. I believe I have three or four properties that I have at least the first draft of that fit your criteria. I’m currently a writer for a YouTube comedy channel called Absurd TV, and I have written their next twelve films. Absurd TV is currently not interested in full length films so they are unlikely to option any of these titles.

The first and most finished film in my selection would be “Walker in the Trees”. This would be a basic Horror film, not a true slasher, with a primary setting. This film opens with the story of a man haunted by his sister’s ghost after she is murdered. He goes to find her killers only for his friends to fall into their trap. It all sounds like a normal horror movie until it’s the killers who start getting picked off.

The next script I have is called “House Broken” and it’s an art piece. I’ve written it as a stage play so it would be a one location, in a house, film with minimal overhead. This does include singing and dancing, super heroes, and other rather crazy ideas that will make it stand out. This is the story of a man named Arthur who is tortured by his family until he can take no more and leaves for the military to escape.

The next up, of which I have only written the first draft, is “Never Will” a story about two women, best friends, who want to be screen writers in order for one of them to impress her crush. This is a romantic comedy about toxic friendship and will stand out among other romantic comedies as it is more the coming of age story of the girls.

I’m going to say to you what I say to everyone I work with: show me what locations you have an I’ll billed a story around it. If you don’t like the films I have I can write one for you in a short period of time.  I wrote “Walker in the Trees” in college after a professor told me that horror films are easy to sell. I wrote seven pages a day until I had the first draft.

To give you my background, I have a degree in psychology and work as a security officer. Yeah, that’s right, I’m one of the under employed masses of modern Americans motivated by that fact that I’ll put on a uniform tonight and sit in the cold and rain to make a living.

I met the director of Absurd TV on the job and within sixty days I was writing for him. In a year and a half I have cut his cost in half and he is now posting videos more than ever. If you’re looking to keep it on a budget I’m your man.

Best,

 

Richard Leland Neal

Sympathetic Villains and the Good Idea Fairy

20^th August 2016

Hay (Person),

After looking at your comments from the other day I’m starting to wonder what it is you intend to do with my script. If the intent is to sell the property then what you’re selling is the overall concept, and the changes you suggested really are a poor fit for that goal.

If a contract had been signed and a director then felt that the villains were too sympathetic then not only would I need to make that change, but I’d get paid to make that change. The other alternative is that they hire a script doctor to make changes, and I have no creative control. Regardless, this change would not alter your pitch for the script and that’s what’s important.

Normally a sympathetic villain is considered a good thing for a script. The audience needs a strong reason to stay invested in the characters on screen. Sympathy for a villain that you clearly want to lose is very powerful.  Removing that will have a negative impact on the work.

If there is one thing that can kill a good script it’s more good ideas. In the United States Army they call this the “Good Idea Fairy”. You’re making cookies and you get the idea to add walnuts. Now that’s a good idea. Then comes along the “Good Idea Fairy” and tells you to add raisins. Well, that’s a good idea too. Then that good old Fairy says “how about some nutmeg?” Not a bad thing either. The only problem is that if you add as many good ideas as you can think of you wind up with cookies that taste like everything and nothing all at once.

Now I’ve gone over the script hundreds of times and I wrote it in a class with a professional screenwriter. It’s rather tight and adding anything needs to be taken with the idea of adding action without taking any away. I’d say the first half of the script is kind of slow, and I’d add action to that if I could, but there is no more room for exposition.

The origin of the “Walker” or “Grass Man” is a point best left for a sequel as well as the larger evil controlling the villains. For that matter, it should be understood that Karl is at the end of his strength by the time this is over, and I have written ideas for a sequel that point to him having been in a coma for a few days after this event.

His powers are somewhat new to him and the need to have them is where they come from. Thus a well thought-out battle will definitely fight the action of the script.

At the end of the day you need to remember that you’re some fellow who hasn’t given me his real name with a nebulas goal for my work.  If your goal isn’t to get this script sold and in production than this isn’t worth the time.

Honestly,

Richard Leland Neal

Deadlines

7^th December 2016

Mr. (School Official),

If I may express myself neatly, I attended a class entitled “How to Become a Professional Film and TV Writer” and after several hours I felt no closer to that occupation than I was before the class. Further along those lines, the professor of this class was a Hollywood agent and not a writer.  It constitutes a conflict of interest for me as a writer to pay an agent for anything other than selling a script.

I’ll grant you that this was a free class, but before I got in the door I found something was not right with your program. Then I would have to point out that I checked the facts reported in the class and found that some of them were inconsistent with information on IMDB.com. If you want my money I expect the professor to do their homework just like the student. Failing to check facts is like failing to read student work. This would be the very basic requirements for a teacher and your professor came up short.

Then we have your professor telling the class about the most prominent script she had sold. She mentioned that she had been asked for a similar script by other studios and complained to them that they had not wanted that script when she offered it to them. I would expect the professional agent to sell the studios what they want. If you want a car this week and come in next week asking for an SUV the dealer is not going to get huffy and complain about what you asked for last week. They would just be happy to sell you whatever you want.

I could go on about foul language and inappropriate jokes, but let me hit it from another angle. The best advertisement your program can have is success. If I had attended that class and gone on to be a professional writer you would have a clear example of your classes paying off. Further, I would then have the money to invest in more education. In the contrary, if I knew how to look for work as a writer but failed to obtain it, my next question would be ‘why’, leaving the need for more education a possibility.

In short, I wasn’t happy with your program when it was free and now you fail to understand why I’m not paying for your services. If Hollywood were populated with your students and they spoke highly of you things would be different. However, I have no faith in your program as an investment.

I would recommend you contact me when you’ve made major changes to the quality of your education and have another free class for me to examine. In the mean time your extended deadlines only prove to me that classes are going unfilled and that other students have the same skepticism.

Kind regards,

Richard Leland Neal

Bad Offer

24^th January 2016

My Dear Sister Margaret,

I spoke to you of the events of the hearing where I fought for my unemployment, and I still await the results. I got another call that day and one of the darkest I have received so far.  I received a job offer to work in skid row as a security officer: Less pay, more danger, but promise of overtime. I could tell this fellow thought it was an easy sell. He figured that I needed the job which is anything but true, but if I was losing my unemployment, if I knew I was I mean, I’d have taken the job. That’s the kind of work I get called for, the pay is a joke, and the conditions are bad. That’s the life of a man with my experience.

To add insult, I never did hear back from Raf on that script. You’d think after how I proved myself to that fellow he would be honest. I tell you, there was an altercation out front one night. I had no idea what was going on, but I knew Raf was out there and so I went out to watch his back. When you’re ready to bleed for a fellow it should mean something.

I always figured that if the script was good enough he knew someone who would want to produce it and if it wasn’t I needed to know. Now my option is to put money into the script to try and find a producer. That’s the thing about writing, you need friends or you need money. Friends always come up short so I got to try money. That’s why taking any job becomes a thing. 

In other news, I still don’t have my car back. They said it would be another week but that they would have to cover the rental fee. At least that’s something.

The only honestly good thing I have for you is that a friend, Dan, was happy to know of my bringing you recyclables and thinks he may have some toiletries for the homeless.  Dan told me that the woman he lives with, I’m not sure his relation to her, is a nurse and takes these things as they are given to her at her work. He winds up with a stalk pile and so on.

Here is to the light at the end of the tunnel,

Richard Leland Neal 

List of Souls

5th December 2015

Dear Sister Margaret,

Little has changed since our last correspondence. I still look for a job and I have still heard nothing regarding my claim with Labor Enforcement. We are still working on our second turkey of the season and I still have three kittens to find homes for. Danny never accepted one and if she truly wants the animal I cannot say. If she does she has not picked her cat.

As expected, I have still not heard back from Raf regarding my script. I have to say it is a sore spot with me how few folks will read my work. They never rejected it because of quality but just never get around to putting eyes to words. It’s the oddest kind of lonely to live in a world where your ideas are shut up in your head even after you write them down.

I feel like a failure, but I failed to make the right friends I guess. Then every time I see some of my oldest friends I feel the failure cut at me because of them. I have a friend who is an actress and I wish I could better her life with my film. I think her work is in insurance, but acting is in her blood, and her advocacy for the homeless is noble. Then I have a friend who has struggled with employment since he lost his book shop. I’ve always wished I could open a book shop for him.

Well, I imagine it would be more of a bookshop with a café. It’s one of those fond little thoughts of a fellow who always wanted to find his place in words and never did.

That’s kind of my life, Margaret, just a list of souls calling out for help, and me with no help to give. My dreams to me are like headstones in a long forgotten graveyard, and I just a soul trapped by its iron fence posts.

Stay safe,

Richard Leland Neal