My Dear Cousin - Utilities

21st June 2021

My Dear Cousin,

The day after my brother left I lost my job. I was having trouble staying awake because of my injury and to be honest my boss wanted me gone to limit liability. The injury had happened at work.

This was the height of the pandemic and the unemployment benefits were good money. I took the time I spent sheltering in place cleaning the house with nothing better to do trying to make the place better for  (Pickle) and me. I thought (Pickle) would come home. I was even using headphones when on the computer.

I went out and replaced his punching bag with a larger one. Years ago, my old man had gone out and gotten a punching bag stand fit for a professional boxer but a punching bag made for a child. It shook the roof when we used that bag.  I got the biggest bag I could find and it meant that Paul or I could take out our anger on the bag next time things came up.

I was even going to install padded flooring in the garage where we keep the bag. The house was all cleaned up and I was feeling rather good about the whole thing when I got a notification letting me know that the utilities  (Pickle) had been paying were now being shut off.

That’s right, without warning my internet stopped and I found out that the water was getting shut off. I had to scramble to get things right before I found myself without something major and I lost the phone number I had for thirty years.

This pushed me into a great depression. I finally had to admit that family was over for me. I mean, to be honest I don’t miss the man. I have nightmares about him coming home. I was always afraid of him coming after me in my sleep anyway.

One of the great facts of life is that no one is coming to save you. Well, no one ever came to save me. The Lawsuit is still pending and my life is much as it always has been.

Stay safe,

 

Richard Leland Neal

My Dear Cousin - A Car Hit Me

18^th June 2021

My Dear Cousin,

At some point I was hit by a car. This may feel off topic given my last letter, but it fits into the overall narrative to my life. You see, I was changing a tire when the car shifted and fell. It wasn’t my car and the owner had forgotten the parking brake.

So the car fell and clipped me. The car clipped me on the side and left a five percent bend in my spine. This placed me in the worst health of my life. I ballooned up to four hundred and fifteen pounds and I had trouble cleaning myself. It made me a diabetic.

The chair in my work room couldn’t take the weight, and it bent causing me to get another one. The only thing was that my work room was so much a mess that I had trouble getting the old chair out and the new chair in. I couldn’t stand for more than fifteen minutes at a time without major pain.

I came home one night and one of my cats was missing. I asked (Pickle) where he was as the cat was never supposed to leave the house. (Pickle) said he let him out and didn’t feel like chasing him to get him back in.

 Well, a few days after that, it could have been a week or two now that I think of it, I was still trying to get my chair back in my work room and I sat down on the couch and was watching something on my phone. I had my laptop set up in the living room at the time which was something I take to work every day.

(Pickle) freaked out and started screaming. He thought I was transferring things to the living room from the work room I think, but he never talked to me about it. He called (Pony Girl) and started complaining. You have to understand that (Pickle) has sensitive ears. He kind of needs to live in a quiet house.

I was furious; I ran up to him and said “Give me the damn phone.” I told (Pony Girl) I was upset over (Pickle) letting the cat out and him never returning. I felt he had gotten the old cat killed and that looks to be true. (Pickle) winced when he heard that, he knew he was in trouble.

(Pony Girl) said “are you saying you want to sell the house” and I said no. The details of the argument are a little fuzzy at the moment but I believe (Pony Girl) came and picked him up. I never saw him again.

Best,

 

Richard Leland Neal

Fur Babies at the Vet

Fat Old Jack and Dana sit on my chest.
15th January 2018

8^th April 2018

Dear (Devium),

You’ll be happy to know that fat old Jack is in very good health. I took the big black cat to the vet this week, along with your little Calico Dana, and had them both looked at. Dana was a pain to get into the cat carrier, I didn’t use yours, and she ran about the house until I cornered her. Jack, well, Jack just sat there without a care in the world until the car started moving then they both cried until I got them into the examination room.

In the car one of them peed on the pad in the carrier, and I had to get a new one at the vet. I think it was Dana and I think she left a present on the way home as well. I really need to clean up my cat carriers now. So nasty.

In any case, Jack got his blood drawn because he was old, and they said he was doing very well for his age. The doctor looked at his silky fur and felt its softness and commented that he was surprised the cat was that old. He told me that he wished all the cats he looked at were as well behaved as fat old Jack.

Dana was a trifle as it was hard to way and hold her. We found that she had blood in her intestines, and I have been given medications to calm her because they vet thought it was the stress of losing you that made her sick. Dana being so skittish of an animal this is probably true.

Dana is rarely far from me when I’m at home, and she has made a point of sleeping in the crook of my neck when I’m on the computer. She was a little standoffish after the vet for a few hours but Jack made a point to spend some time with me. He’s normally spending time with Pickle to be honest.

Your fur babies are doing well, and I hope you are too,

Richard Leland Neal

Make the Best of Life

16^th September 2013

Dear Cassi,

       

I was roused today by Pickles calling me to tell me that Pork shop had injured his leg, but when I got out of bed the overweight Labrador was walking fine. I gave the old dog a pat on the head and went about my day as normal.

       

I took him for a short walk after walking the Doberman and Pork chop could hardly make it down the street. The Labrador could hardly walk when I found him wandering the streets and even now struggles with rising and sitting, so this gave me no cause to worry over the big blob of brown fur.

       

As the sun set I took it as a time to give the dog an evening walk, but as I stroked his coat to wake him I felt something like mud in his fur. On investigation I found what looked like an old puncture were the skin had died and left a bald spot that now looked inflamed. I probed this some and removed clods of blood stained fur until I could see the skin clearly.

       

The area was swollen and red looking something like a boil and I pressed it seen blood and infection make its way free until the wound was less bulging. Then on the dog’s leg I found a lump that burst in my hand. A hot pink sludge covered my fingers, but I could tell the wound was still harboring fester, and so I pressed with my poor dog giving out a small whimper.

       

The gore on my hands was unsettling and my old lab will have some hard days to come but the condition is not life threatening.  This dog has lived a hard life that left him with scars and places that will grow pus for years. Still, he is a happy old thing and that is all we can hope for.

Make the best of life, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

Ask a Fat Man

9^th April 2013

Dear Cassi,

         

What is it with folks who like to make friends at the gym? On the last two occasions I have taken my exercise there a man came and talked to me for at least a half hour and asked me about health of all things. What motivates these questions is beyond me as I am no man to tell folks how to live.

         

When looking to better one’s health it would be wise to ask someone healthier than one’s self. Asking a bloated monster like me for health advice is like asking a drug addict how to quit. Then perhaps these folks just need someone to help them pass the time.

         

The fellow in question on this occasion never gave me his name but first asked me if running in the water was better than running on a treadmill. As we were both running in the pool I would think he knew my view, but I gave him my thoughts to be polite.

         

I run in the pool because it takes stress off my joints and so permits me to run longer. If I took the same time on a treadmill my back would hurt and my knees would sting. The cool of the water keeps my body from perspiring and so dehydrating. In the pool I can burn more calories than on a treadmill because I can work out so much longer without exhaustion.

         

Once I had told the man of this he then asked me what I did for a living. We spend some twenty minutes talking about the nature of the homeless and what I do at work. He told me that he came from China and that he was the only member of his family here in America. We spent some time on his religion, and I think he was hoping for a convert. To my surprise he was a Christian. This fellow did not at any length detail his religion. He only said that he prayed and that it helped.  

         

Our talk made the minutes tick by without notice and so made my workout more pleasant. It comes to me that whatever this man’s motives for reaching into my life he was not an intrusion.

Enjoy the little things,

Richard Leland Neal

Eggs

 

Cut My Guts

29^th October 2012

Dear Cassi,

       

I have a low opinion of my doctor and I’ll tell you why. He ran my blood work and took my weight, found that I was healthier than him, and then told me that I’m a candidate for gastric bypass surgery.

       

It so happens that I have a lean body mass of well over two hundred pounds and his analysis is incorrect. In order to be a candidate for gastric bypass surgery the body must be forty percent fat or more. I grant that I’m close to that but not over.

       

What happened is that he is assuming that I have the lean body mass of a normal person. When we assume we add an ass to U and Me. A normal man of my height should weigh in at no more than one hundred and eighty pounds. If I was that small you could see my bones.

       

The world is not as munch of numbers no matter how folks wish to make it so. Never in my life have I been a man who could be summed up easily. Clearly, my doctor sees me as numbers and figures, but I still maintain my humanity.

Be true to yourself, little sister

Richard Leland Neal

Fat Man in Water

7th of October 2012

Dear Cassi,


Once again I’ve dragged my ample posterior to the gym and taken two hours of cardio in the pool to jog my body back to life. I would call this success if it were not for the fact that I should have spent more time at this work.

It was not my lungs or heart that failed me but rather the connections to the meat of my legs at the ankles. The pain here claimed and slowed me and so I began to turn my body to lengthen my exercise.

I turned front from to side at first walking with one hip pointing forward. This action I kept at the end of each lap by turning in a new way, putting my back forward or offering the other hip. The practice worked and I kept it up till the pain became so unbearable that I could not cross the pool pointed in one direction.

At this point I stood from the water and found it hard to hold my

body standing. If it was that I had come accustomed to my lesser weight when buoyant or if I simply had nothing left to give I do not know, but I took some time in the hot tub to gain strength.

I’ve become so large a man over the passing years that had work and dedication fall short of my needs at this health business. Well, if the path I walk is hard the end of my travels we be all the more sweet.


Find the right trail, little sister,



Richard Leland Neal

Health Advice: Ask a Fat Man

31^st July of 2011

Dear Cassi,

The strangest of all things happened last week when I went to the gym. I submersed my three hundred pound bulk in the pool and began to run. An hour after I began my labors, a man struck up a conversation with me from the side of the pool.

He confessed to me that he had gained a great state of health then stopped coming to the gym and gained the weight back. He said, from his spot standing on the side of the pool, that he was committed to dropping another five pounds before working out with weights.

Far be it from a good idea for a fat man like me to give health advice, but I told him that he should pay little mind to five pounds. The man proceeded to ask me questions about health and diet until another hour of my cardio had passed. I found it hard to hear him when I walked to the other side of the pool, but he showed no inclination to walk along as I jogged or find a better spot for our conversation.

   

I found him to be devoid of understanding in the nature of health. I gave what knowledge I had on the subjects he asked about, but I see little hope for a man who is inclined to watch as others exert themselves. He took his leave of me and said he was on his way to the upper gym to get some work done.

   

This event should hold little surprise for me. I once saw a five hundred pound man selling diet products and people still took an interest.

Sometimes we see what we want to,

Richard Leland Neal