Car Crash

Here is another letter to Cassi. I’m spending a good amount of my time reminiscing over bad times. Hell, at least I remember who I am.

31st May 2011

Dear Cassi,

In the way of getting through my files I came across a document from my second employment as a Security Guard. It was the very first written assignment they had placed me on with a company that sold its assets the following year and now is no more.

I remember that day well because I was in a car accident that day. They had promised me a post 27 miles from my home but promises are just words. They had said I’d spend a few weeks working at a sporting goods factory first, and that was a drive of about 60 miles.

When I complained the woman at the front desk had told me “You need to go where I need you” my needs never crossed her mind. Sadly, they had me and they knew it. I needed a job back then bad enough to have to put up with their flack.

I went straight from the office to train at the sporting goods factory. I had some trouble finding the place, and I tried to pull a U turn when I got hit from behind. Hit and run, the driver never stopped. The impact spun me around and slammed my face into the door post of my car. I had a cut on my right cheek and I was stunned.

The Guard who was to train me came running out and told me he had called the police. I stood waiting for a few minutes and the guard came back out. He wanted me to start training. “Sometimes the police don’t get here for half an hour,” he said but I insisted I had to stay with my car. “Sometimes they don’t come at all,” he said, but I wouldn’t budge. He left me standing there again. I didn’t want to train at that place to begin with.

In a few more minutes he came out again, and gave me his cell and said the office was on the line. It was the first time I used a hands free. They told me that I’d be going to the other post, the one that they had promised me at the beginning.

It appeared as if they had come to the idea that this could be their fault, and they didn’t want me to hold a grudge. My car wasn’t that bad off anyway, but I’d take the better post.

When the policeman finally got there he was pissed that He had to make a report. It was a felony because of the cut on my face he said. I was just happy to be going home.

I had medical for a few more days under (Yule) and I got checked out. To add insult to injury (Yule) didn’t even call me to see if I was okay.

I was about to turn 22 and I was still on the family car insurance. That all ended when they told me that I would lose my uninsured motorist coverage.

There was good and bad that day, but I got what I needed to make it through another day. Sometimes that’s all you can ask for.

Stay safe,


Richard Leland Neal

Dear Theatre Instructor at (State College)

This is a letter I sent to my theater teachers by email. It’s not the most telling of letters, but If I want to put these out on a regular basis I can’t be that picky.

5th January 2007

Dear Theatre Instructor at (State College),

My name is Richard Neal and if you are receiving this E-mail I’m trying to add your class. I’m a transfer student from (a junior college) and if you have any questions about me you might want to ask (the set construction teacher) who has been a teacher there for years and knows me reasonably well. I’ve taken theatre craft, Stagecraft, makeup, costuming and scene painting at (the junior college). I have written two full-length plays and I will be attending (the state college) for Lighting and Sound.

Q: You slacker, why didn’t you just add my class when everyone else did?

A: Good question! There was a small error with my registration, and the admissions department couldn’t remember If I had holds or not. It should be all cleared up now, and everything should be in order.

Q: So, what do you need from me?

A: I’m glad you asked. It would be nice if you could tell me what chance I stand of getting in your class. If the answer is ‘slim to none’ I need to plan accordingly, and if the answer is “yes” then any thing you can tell me about your class would be helpful. If you would like me to see you before the first class meeting E-mail me back with the hours you will be available.

Here comes the part you’re not going to like. I work full time and often have to work over time. This is not the end of the world for my education plans. I wrote my first two plays at work, but the time I have to study depends on freight volumes.

From what I understand a healthy human should go over information seven times to know it for the rest of their life. Seven times, a tall order even for a student without work to worry about. That is why I’m contacting you early. I know what I’m up against, and it is ugly.

I do realize that some of my teachers will have no sympathy for a man in my position. That point was made painfully clear in the fall of two-thousand and six at (the junior college) when I limped into a class room getting glares of annoyance rather than concern from my instructors. That is what the real world is like “We have a competitive program here,” (the supervisor of undergraduate studies) said to me, “But the world is competitive.” So, I’m not expecting all my teachers to reply, but let me thank you in advance if you do.

Reply from the supervisor of undergraduate strides who taught “Art of The Theatre.” You will not that I reference talking to him in the letter

If you are a transfer from a jc, why haven't you been in to see me, so I can decide which of your classes will transfer. As undergraduate coordinator, I make all of those decisions. After that, we can talk about 200.

My reply to him on the 7th

I checked my transcripts today on line, and it said that I had 70 transferred units. Do you need a copy of my transcripts after I took scene painting? It doesn't look like I have any room left for more units but that is a question only you can answer. Also, what do I need to show people when I talk to a counselor about my Gen ed? Will they have everything or do I need copies of my transcripts from FJC and Rio?

Thanks for your help

His reply the same day.

Units may transfer to the university that do not transfer to our dept. If they transferred 70, I am assuming most of them are Gen Ed.

Reply from drafting teacher

Hello,

Come to my first class. I will try my best to fit you in but I won't know till I see who really shows up. Few might drop the class when they find out how much work this class requires.

Every Buyer - Tom Hopkins

No New Start - Carl Bard

May the Schwartz be with You

This was one of my dumber ideas, and I’m not surprised I didn’t get word back. The big thing I recall about this letter is that I mentioned it to a, hmmm, poor excuse for a human being who called himself my friend.

His reply is forever cut into my mind: “I don’t think you should … do it. I mean, you don’t really look like him.” This after no less than two people in one week told me that I reminded them of John Candy.

17^th March 2007

Dear Mr. Brooks

Something happen the other day that made me think of you. I was sitting in the hallway at (a state college) when a girl turned to me and said, “You could play Barf.”

Thinking I had misheard her I said, “what?”

“You know, Barf, didn’t you ever watch SpaceBalls?”

I heard on the radio that you were thinking of making another SpaceBalls movie and I thought. “Well, send the man a letter, you have a better chance of getting a screen test then winning the Lottery and the Lottery ticket will cost more.”

This isn’t the first time I’ve been compared to John Candy. Shortly after my mother’s passing I spent weekends with Diane, the executor of my mother’s estate, and her son Phil, this would make me ten or eleven. Almost immediately Phil’s friends adopted an unusual nickname for me. “Uncle Buck” They may have meant it as an insult, but I always took it as a compliment. I loved John’s work. I don’t know if I could play him but let me give you some reasons why you should give me a try.

1. I’m a nobody, we work cheap. 

2. People think I look like John Candy and that is very funny.

 3. I have experience and training as a stage actor.

4. I don’t have an agent for you to wrestle with.

At this point you may be saying, “Do I really want to make another SpaceBalls movie? Do I want Barf to be in that movie?”

First let me say, “of course you want to make another Space Balls movie! You knew that before you finished the first one!” Let’s talk about Barf. What’s your alternative? We’ll call him Can-Can Blinks. Cans are like jars right? He comes out in his long-eared, pastel skinned, stupid accented, annoyingness, the audience is visibly repulsed. A big fish eats him, we all cheer; enter Barf for a standing ovation. 

Okay, so I’m not all that funny, but it never hurts to ask right?

May the Schwartz be with you,


Richard Leland Neal

Nice Things at a Funeral - Garrison Keillor

Quit Screwing Around

Yet another letter I found in the bowels of my computer sent by email and never received a response.

Is this more evidence that a student is only a means to more funding or some dumbass kid expecting special treatment?

Given that at the time a degree would cost twenty thousand dollars at the school I feel I was paying for an answer.

27^th January 2007

Dear (Department Chair for the Theatre Arts Department),

One of your staff told me to e-mail you because I’m focusing on lighting and sound. I have to say that my welcome as a transfer student who has a full time job has been less then warm and the teachers feel I should be chasing dreams.

The man I took play writing from has a MFA in writing and makes his living as a lighting designer. When I told him that I intended to study sound he was unhappy that I would not follow play writing, but told me that he wished that he had dun the same. He noted that he had many job offers for sound but was unqualified to take them and he really could have used the money. MFA and having trouble supporting himself. It proves that going into debt to get your education is no longer a good idea.

   

I don’t know, are there grants I should be looking at? It seems all the transfer students were told that they can’t succeed at (This state college) and have work detracting from their studies. As true as that may be we all need to pay our bills, and student loans defeat the purpose of going to college in the first place.

The slogan for theatre at (junior college) was “Come Out and Play”.  My slogan is “quit screwing around.”