Naked Truck Drivers

I remember this, and I’m ashamed of myself for writing it, because it’s not all my experiences. I worked at all these locations, but the last bit didn’t happen to me but to a fellow Security officer. I wrote about it in hope of getting my story on the slick pages of a men’s periodical.

I can tell you that back in 2005, when I wrote this, I was as much a habitual lyre as the rest of my family. Now days I abhor lies because I have been told them so often.

  26^th May 2005

Dear (Magazine),

           

You want crappie work environment I got one for you. I was a security Guard on a loading dock. I had to stay outside in the cold rain or shine. If the ice on by boots wasn’t bad enough, I also had to wake up truck drivers to let them know there load was ready. This would not have been so bad if about a third of the drivers didn’t roll out of there sack naked to ask were their trailer was. Now I had worked in a shopping center were part of my patrol was to walk through the men’s locker room in a gym, so naked truck drivers were disgusting, but I had already mastered the art of looking away. Then one day I walked out to give a husband and wife team there paper work, and the wife got up wearing her night gown, no big deal until she stepped one foot outside the truck to grab the paper work, and I came face to face with the heaven’s gate of an old nasty truck driver. Gee grandma put that thing away, or at least wear some panties.      

Strength of the Vampire - Abraham Van Helsing

Children’s Book Publisher

Last year I had the bad idea of writing children’s books. To be honest with you I should have hooked up with an artist or something of that nature, but perhaps in the future I will have better luck.

18^th May 2010

Dear (Publisher of) Children’s Books,

What you have here is a children’s picture book manuscript written in rhyme and teaching children the difference between three sets of homonyms. You will note that the work is set in twenty-eight sections one for each layout. There are two stories that could be one or two books dependent on how you would like to package them.

I yield to your better authority on how it is to be edited and produced. I have only the experience of reading to children as my guide in the area. I do know something of art work and printing so I can easily understand what limitations you set up.

I have been published three times in the past as a poet in periodicals. Once with my junior high school and twice in high school but have published nothing professionally.

Thank you for your time,

Richard Leland Neal

Unwary Fly - Dracula

More Professional Cover Letter

In dredging up old archives I found this letter which I did not write. Somehow it found its way onto my computer more than ten years ago. At this point it has moved into public domain or at least the writer should have taken it off my system.

This is a more professional cover letter than I would write so I’m posting it for your benefit. Do note that it was no better spelled than any of my old letters from a few years ago and needed some editing so take the professionalism with a grain of salt.

09/15/1997

Dear Ms. (Business Person):

I was very interested to learn about the opening in your company for a product marketing assistant through job search on the World Wide Web. I am currently studying business, specifically marketing and advertising at (a private college). I would like to interview for the position.

           

Although I have not yet worked for a major corporation, I have had work experience that has developed many important skills. In working as a tutor for high school freshmen I learn to improve my communication skills to better express and explain my ideas. I also learned the value of patience, a needed skill to be able to explain difficult or complicated concepts. As a computer lab assistant I have become proficient in my computer skill, including typing and internet use. I have also learned about customer service issues, such as how to deal with a difficult or upset customer. From these jobs I have also learned the value of punctuality, consideration for fellow workers, time management, personal responsibility, and efficiency. I feel that these skills would greatly assist me in future job positions.

           

I would appreciate an opportunity to interview for the position at your convenience. Please let me know at (phone number), as an interview time is available. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

(Unnamed pervasion)

Worse Things - Dracula

Children of the Night - Count Dracula