Things that Bean Touched

7^th November 2018

Dear Party People,

I was on my way home from the night shift last week, and I left my radio on from the night before. What should I hear but Kevin and Bean talking about Bean eating strange things with a knife and fork. I'll grant you that I've gotten half a slice of pizza down with a knife and fork before switching to my hands, and I didn't hear what the listeners had to say, but it was clear by the time I got home that the lot of you had missed the big point.

It's not like you not wanting to eat with your hands. It's that no one in their right mind, or Bean's mind, would want to eat with Bean's hands. Not even Bean. Just think about this for a second. If you had to be tied up and have a member of the morning crew feed you with their hands who would you choose? How many of you would eat food Bean touched?

Think of where those hands have been. What parts of goats, dogs, or any other animal has Bean touched, and no matter how much he washes his hands he can't wash the Bean off. Even Bean knows how disgusting Bean is and how wrong it would be for Bean to touch food.

After all, didn't bean choose Radiohead's 'Creep' as the song at his wedding. Or was that Kevin? It's still so hard to tell you two apart. That's not the point. The point is that no food should ever be so insulted as to be touched by a creep the likes of Bean.

I would think that would have been obvious,

Richard from Whittier

Bean and the President

This letter was never mailed or emailed as it would be, but I checked the facts to be sure that it was all true. Sometimes I write a letter to settle myself rather than send a message. I guess this was one of those times, or I just forgot about it which I am known to do from time to time.

28^th July 2017

Dear Unfortunate People who work with Bean,

I was listening to KROQ on my way home from work one morning and heard one of your “thanks for that info Bean” segments when Bean said something so brain dead that I had to send you a comment. His statement was true but misleading regarding presidential approval ratings and their low points such as Harry Truman having an all time low approval rating of 22 percent. This struck me as so poorly thought out that I feared it would lower the I.Q. of your listeners. 

It is common knowledge that presidents support unpopular legislation at the end of their time in the white house when they are not up for reelection. They often see their low point at the end of their second term in office.

Whereas this is not the case for Truman, he was fighting a war that was going badly, dealing with corruption in the tax collectors, and fighting a worsening economy.  Things were bad and Truman had been running the country long enough for it to be his fault.

Donald Trump has the lowest approval rating of any president after six months in the White House. That means he has had less time to screw things up, and we can’t blame the bad economy on him yet. Frankly, one expects a president’s approval rating to drop as they make more decisions to scrutinize.

Look at it this way, a low approval rating at the end of a term is like saying “I poured bleach into the sink as I was cleaning it”. Not necessarily what you do but not a big deal. Trump’s low approval rating is like saying “I poured bleach in the sink as I was making salad”. This would be a bad sign and I would have a good many questions before eating that salad.

Bean doesn’t understand context,

Richard