No Right to Cry

20^th July 2014

Dear Cassi,

Adding injury to injury, I left my home this morning on some errand into the front lawn and found on the driveway tuffs of fur in the color that once adorn the neck of my cat Cheshire. There is a slim possibility, but it is unlikely that she still lives. I could tell by the amount of fur that she put up a fight, but what could have killed so timid an animal I have a hard time saying.

It could have been no bird even as she was a small cat for a bird would have carried her off and the caller would have been lost, but I found it on the ground. Then I imagine that the wild dog and coyotes have been coming down from the hills have dried and left no food for the rats and such. Well, what good would knowing the killer do for my poor cat.

I gave order with Pickle to keep the animals inside from now on. The two cats that I call my own will not like this but in the last six months two animals have been taken. I have to admit that a human could have done this, one that wanted it to look like an animal attack, but what can I do?

For reasons that I haven’t found in the morass of my brain I when and collected what fur I could find and set it in a jar. Then I cried, I cried and told myself I have no right to cry as I should have done better for my little girl. I should have worked harder and made this a home better suited for life and she may have stayed in more and been safe.

Stay Safe, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

Parasite

14^th May 2013

Dear Cassi,

       

For some time now I’ve had this reoccurring dream about being lost on this campus. I’m not sure if it’s a college campus or a commercial campus, but the buildings are so high they block the view home. I can also tell you they are made of white concrete and decorated with muted pastel. There is a sterile hospital feel to this place. The people of this place are always turned away from me as I wonder about searching. I feel as if I am just a phantom among them, but they have no identity.

       

I would wander around the campus looking for the parking structure that has my car, but as dreams would go, there was more than one place my car could have been. I would wander around as the sun went down in my dream feeling the need for sleep but finding no place to even sit. This was a thing that in my dream would last days, and I would get more and more exhausted. I felt trapped in a world where my efforts were useless. 

       

Trapped and weary are feelings common to my life, and I think you can understand these feelings as well as I. The feeling is strongest in my back along the spine. It is pain but not just pain. I feel an internal nagging itch that cannot be scratched and yet will not go away by any other means.

       

Then there was my dream this morning and it was so vivid in nature but so very strange. It started with a black shape moving beneath my skin.  I caught it and it writhed under the pressure. Feeling a hard body I pressed and the thing came to the surface as some mutant thorny turtle protruding from my flesh. The thing was not a true black but rather the dark gray brown of burnt car oil. I squeezed this like a pimple and it came away taking with it large shreds of skin.

       

As is the nature of dreams the product of this action was rather large by comparison, and I saved it in a specimen bottle. There was some blood but not much, and the wound was little to worry over. I then found myself wondering that same campus in search this time of a doctor to look at my bizarre parasite. Sometime in this adventure my legs were wounded and I took to having to crawl. The specimen became very large as things can do in dreams and was much the burden.

       

In my crawling, I found friendly faces that both helped me along and at times asked for my help. I found my way to a lab where my injuries were seen to, and I so left to wonder again looking forever for my way out. My steps were retraced and the building finally looking familiar I found myself oddly alone but without disorientation.

       

In the end, I found myself somehow, as only can be in dreams, able to fly and so flew home. I felt so much joy as the wind rushed by and the scenery ran beneath me. After a long time, I was finally free.

Freedom lives in your heart, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

Lost File

26^th October 2014

Dear Cassi,

         

The strangest thing happened. I lost a letter file. I opened my computer and found it missing but no amount of searching revealed wherever I put the old file and so I’ve lost about two months worth of letters I never sent. Ah well, how many times do I need to tell you that I’ve been struggling with keeping the dishes clean?

         

For that matter, how much of my life’s records have been lost to my injuries of this year or simply my depression? This new development brings me not even one year closer to being caught up. In fact, I remain no less than nineteen months behind in the mailing of my letters. To put that into perspective, if I cleared one month worth of letters every week when I am done with what I have now I’d rack up another four months backlog.

         

To be clear, I did have my faced blooded some and have lost three pets then gained two more in the last year. Every battle feels hard fought and every day feels too short for work and too long in problems.

         

I keep trying to burn through my long held reserves only to fine the fuel wet and the matches old. So the piles of long held nonsense loom like hills on a long walk home. Well, here I have my walking stick in hand and on my back a heavy pack.

Walk on, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

One Good Day

Yesterday’s post was one where I explained this blog but I think this was the only one I wrote. At this point work got crazy and I was pulling eighty hour work weeks.

For those who have never been healthy gaining good health will always be hard. I spent the next weeks at this job too overworked to perform my at work workouts. Then the company lost the contract.  

On the next job I didn’t have water bottles to work out with, but I did have loads of work to do so it made no difference. Security guards are always trying to get something related to their life done at work. I’ve seen guards cook on a bbq, train togs, play instruments, nit, play video games, and run printing equipment. The level of WTF is unfathomable.  

What I did was nothing abnormal. It’s just too bad I couldn’t keep it up.

16^th December 2005

Exercises: 10 3by3 sets

Given that I must start using the specific jargon of my workouts this must be the time to explain them. I have three workout forums, my work, my home, my gym. Each has its own uses, but it is the combination of all of them that in important in achieving results.

The primary use of my work for fitness is maintenance. There are exercises that I can do at work that help me to maintain my level of fitness. The exercise I have begun with is the 3by3 or three gallon workout. You start with a three-gallon jug of water full all the way to the top and caped then you do ten pullovers, ten curls, and ten “strait up” lifts each arm.

Guess I never finished this blog. Well I never checked to see if it was posted on Myspace. Not even sure I can get into my Myspcae account any longer to check