My Dear Cousin - Phone Call

23^rd May 2021

My Dear Cousin,

In yesterday’s letter I told you that my family had given me a basket of cookies as an olive branch. Rather a way to say, how about we just forget all the harm we did you and move on. As I said, when I showed no interest in these they found their way to the trash, and I’m not the one who put them there.

 I overheard (Pickle) on the phone with the aunt that made those cookies and heard her say “Is he still mad?” Given the fact that I was expected to pay two hundred thousand dollars for a car that they sold for four hundred bucks they probably would have asked for one of my kidneys in a week.

If they tried to make amends it would have cost them money. I would have expected my family to give me money for college as they did for my (Pickle) and (Pony Girl). I would have expected compensation for my pain.

Honestly, I think what they wanted was for me to spend the rest of my life looking after (Pickle) and they wanted to give me nothing for it. I was in school for the arts and there is no limit to how much I could have made but no likelihood of me making money. It was a gamble but so is most of life.

Further, the old man made it clear that he didn’t want three children, and I think he resented having to look after me. If he could have he’d have kicked me out when I was eighteen. The only reason he didn’t is that it’s my house I live in. He said as much back when I was in high school.

Then, they’ve been trying to take that away from me for years now. I don’t know why those folks were so dominated by greed. I had to live to make them happy, and I was never expected to be happy on my own.

Some would say that my family owed me nothing. Just because my siblings got something did not mean that I had to get the same. That could be true, but why should I suffer for those who don’t care about me?

Best, 

 

Richard Leland Neal

 

 

 

My Dear Cousin - The Third Olive Branch

22^nd May 2021

My Dear Cousin,

I have now told you of the first two of three gifts that my family gave me as peace offerings after they told me to leave and never return. The first and second were checks for two hundred and one hundred dollars respectively. The last gift they gave me was a basket of cookies.

To be fair, no one gave this to me. It showed up on Christmas in my home with a tag that said “Richard”, and I paid it no mind. I figured that (Pickle) would eat it sooner or later. Whenever there is something sweet in the house he tends to eat it in short order.

I also mentioned to myself that I’m not the only Richard in the world, and that they could have been for someone else. A few days past and they were in the trash. I figured that it was for the best. If (Pickle) wouldn’t eat them they must have been some bad cookies.

It’s crazy to say, but the family did kind of say a few times that they wanted me dead, and I didn’t think it was all that safe to eat anything they gave me. They had harassed me to the point where I was ready to die to get them to stop, and then they just wanted to pretend it never happened.

If they were ever to be a part of my life again they needed to make it clear that they understood that trying to force me to do things against my will simply wasn’t right. The situation called for honesty, but if they were honest they would have lost any control they had.

As it was, they thought giving me a beat up old car gave them leverage over me. What I had suffered demanded compensation, and there was no way I was getting that. When you need something people can force you to do a great many horrible things. I learned that working in security.

I had seen these people bring my home and my life to ruin. Now I was to forget all about it over some cookies. They say that the people you love the most are the people who can hurt you the most. It’s so very true.

Best,

 

Richard Leland Neal

 

My Dear Cousin - The Second Olive Branch

21^st May 2021

My Dear Cousin,

In my last letter I spoke of the first of the three gifts my family gave me as, what were they really, olive branches. Giving someone an olive branch is a symbolic way of saying ‘let’s stop fighting’. An apology would have meant more, but they wouldn’t have meant it anyway.

In any case, the second of these I believe was a birthday card from my grandmother with a check for a hundred dollars. This hits on the vary basic problem that my family believed that no matter what they did to me it had no ill result. At this point I was so damaged from the anger I felt that it was consuming my life. I had to learn to manage my anger.

As I said, this gift came as a birthday card handed to me by (Pickle), and I looked at it and said “what is it?”

(Pickle) said “she just told me to give it to you,” and I opened it wanting to just tear it in half but trying to keep the pain in check. I found the check and a card that said “here is a little something …” I don’t recall the rest.

The bottom line was that the old woman was toxic. I remember when I complained about her son she would say “there are worse fathers” or “you’re making me sound like a bad mother”. I would say that her mothering skills were the issue as she raised a man who would never take responsibility for his own actions and would listen to no argument other than violence.

For a hundred dollars this woman wanted to come back and destroy even more of my life. I just wasn’t going to let her. I handed the card and the check back to (Pickle) and said “you may return it”. That was the last I would hear from the old woman.

I think she was better off without me. She was better off without the constant reminder of what a man-child her son had become, and better off without whatever nightmare the family would have inflicted on me next.

The attempts to make things right were getting more and more feeble. To me they were saying “you’ll take what you’re given”, and I was done.

Best,

 

Richard Leland Neal

 

 

 

A Letter to Logan Paul

2^nd January 2018

Dear Mr. Logan Paul,

I’ve just seen your apology on the news and this topic hits close to me given that two members of my immediate family have attempted to take their own lives. I have suffered with depression for a lifetime and have a good deal of experience with mental illness.

Let me say firstly that I understand. There is a certain spectacle to what you saw in Aokigahara forest of Japan and even Aristotle wrote of the seeing of dead bodies in his poetics. It may have seemed right to you to share so unique an experience with the world and not all of us understand the solemnity involved.  

With that, may I point out that the common person is not good with forgiveness and apologies rarely hit as close to home as offences. People lash out, they lash out because of the pain of their memories, and because they need someone to focus that pain on. The depressed often feel helpless and sometimes even the act of destroying one’s own self is an act of taking control.

Where does this leave you? Well, sir, you can turn this negative moment into awareness. More appropriately, you should find a way to help people with depression. Look at the story of YouTuber Boogie2988 who became profitable after being discovered by Ray William Johnson. Boogie was depressed and disabled until Ray gave him economic freedom.

You can do that, Logan, you can help people.  I know you tried by including a help line in your video, but I mean make it personal. What I think you should do is find ten people who suffer from depression and make their lives better. Include them in a blog or find a way to better their situation.

As a YouTuber and a Blogger I know a person like yourself can change the life of a man like me with a few clicks of a mouse. You may have made a mistake but you can still do the right thing and people will love you for it.

Go find someone to help,

Richard Leland Neal

The Time We Really Look Big - Kevin Leman