My Dear Cousin - I Drove

13^th May 2021

My Dear Cousin,

In my last letter I had called the police over my (Pony Girl) and her boyfriend heckling me about getting my old man’s ‘gift’ car fixed. The old man paid for two tires on his car. He wouldn’t pay for the other two, and he wouldn’t give me the college money he promised.

I stopped talking to my (Pony Girl) at that point. I was angry, and I was frustrated. I was also working at a new post where I was getting a lot of overtime and not seeing much of the house let alone the family. This came to something of a head on the fourth of July.

I came home from work to find the family and my (Pony Girl)’s boyfriend on the lawn. I was driving that gift car that I had fought with them over. I jumped out of it and into my old car and drove.  I drove through the freeway watching the smoke and fireworks in the sky. I drove thinking of how my life had been a hard mess and it wasn’t getting any better.

It was about this time my (Pony Girl) decided that she wanted the old man to buy her out or rather she convinced him to buy her out. After years of fighting with me and keeping me from my education that selfish woman had scored a major victory.

I suggested that instead they buy me out, and let me go my own way since everyone felt that I was the problem. This is when one of the cousins, the old man’s sister’s child, told me I should just leave and never expect to get my part of the house. She was the daughter of the executor of my mother’s estate and the real estate agent to handle the sale.

Again, the house was what was left of my mother’s estate now having drug on for sixteen years. I hadn’t gotten money for college like my two siblings and now I was supposed to just leave and get nothing.

When I asked why I would do such a thing the answer was “he gave you that car.” I returned the car after that and the old man was pissed.

Best,

 

Richard Leland Neal

 

Force of Arms

4^th July 2016

Dear Cassi,

The fireworks have come and gone but still a few rise into the burnt sky were the stars are blackened into to darkness by the actions of the human animal.  I still struggle with depression and the hunt for a job and the dark night has proven cover for a few drinks to sooth my angry mind.

As I look into that broken sky I remember a story I read once of a tyrant from space who brought a fleet of ships to earth and rained death on all the world. The story was called ‘Force of Arms’ and there are times I figure that this would be the only way to get a few things done in my life.

Sadly, I have no fleet of ships and no force to bring down. I have my drawings and photographs, which I bring to bear with blogs and videos. I keep thinking that if I work hard enough I’ll get somewhere but that doesn’t look like the case.

In the end of the story the fleet of ships were destroyed and the tyrant died. Is that my future, to die and be forgotten?

Sometimes I just don’t know,

Richard Leland Neal

Hot Dank Air

14^th July 2012

Dear Cassi,

Perhaps the reason I love sleep so is that the world I wake up to is worse than any nightmare. Today was a day of some unnatural heat and as such I spent most of it in bed with my two fans passing air over my massive frame.

The room is full of hot dank air as is my home. The world is hot outside, but the air within my home is like breath. I can’t tell if it’s the rot in the sink or the perspiration off my skin but I know I need air. I set fans and open windows; I showered the roof with water and watch the steam lift away in the afternoon sun.

The water I have sprayed comes down black with soot from the fireworks of the fourth of July. We celebrate our independents by making the air unbeatable. If only a cold rain would come and was our foul revelries from the wounded sky.

The hot air drives me back to sleep. It’s a pounding heat that drives me down and lords over my sticky flesh. The insulation in my attic has turned to dust long ago and so my home is a furnace in the summer. I long for the winter days.

I would write more, but I am stifled by the heat.

Stay cool, little sister,