Washer of the Future

11^th December 2011

Dear Cassi,

   

My new washer and dryer have a nasty habit of beeping like robots. I have never before had so much cause to say “it’s the newfangled kind with all the bells and whistles.”

   

Come to think of it I have never before thought of what newfangled means. Apparently, the word comes from fangelen, coming from middle English, and meaning ‘inclined to take,’ as ‘I’m fangelen for a cola with my lunch.’ When the saying came about to fangle was something you started or recently procured. Like, “my new fangle is fencing” or “Bob has a new fangle, he collects hats.”

   

Now ‘fangle’ means novelty, whim, or ornament, and it generally holds derogatory tone. Words tend to change over time but fangle is no longer accepted by my spellchecker. Fangled and newfangled are still in there but the root word is not.

   

In any case, I found the new washer and dryer to be rather fangled with lights and chimes that scare the dog out of the garage. They say that these new machines are much better for the environment, but all those lights just look like a bad idea. I mean, next they will be getting ring tones for washers and dryers so you can dance when your clothes are clean.

   

Another bit I would rather not have is the locking washer door. It locks when the washer is on so children stay out of the things I think, but what if it gets stuck or the power goes out? Then you would have to break the machine open to get your things out again.  

   

The only real tradition is change, but the trend to make things more computerized, flashy, or just plain complicated are changes I can live without.

The future is like the past only newer,

Richard Leland Neal

Valve Stem Disaster

9^th December 2011

Dear Cassi, 

   

It’s been a hard day. I finally got the call on Friday that my new washer and dryer would be in, and I decided to mop under the old ones. I’ve had issues with things growing in the detritus of my home so getting it into the garbage has been a major push for me over the last few months.

   

I pulled the washer and dryer away from the wall and tried to close the shutoff calves on the washer when one of the valves broke. The handle came off in my handed leaving the exposed stem in the wall.

   

I looked into the pit of old chrome and there around the bolt was a star of brass which was the end of the stem. This was bad. I had dealt with this kind of bad before, but it was bad that was never easy do deal with.

   

I snapped a picture of the stem with my cell and ran out to the hardware store to get a replacement. When I got there I looked at the new brass and had no idea which one would work so I took out my phone, and the images hadn’t saved.

   

I grown and came back home realizing that there was no two ways about it, I had to have the old valve with me when I got the new one. Then came the fun part, the valve was not only stuck but plastered over and too deep to get a wrench around.

   

I pounded the wall open then found a box wrench that fit and finally got the dang thing out. I ran out and got two new valves in the holiday traffic, came home, and got the water on in time to shower for work.

   

Just as I’m getting ready for work my neighbor calls to tell me he can help. It’s been a long day.

Plumbing sucks,

Richard Leland Neal