Close to the Facts - F. Marion Smith

Testudines Snozed Mistake

8^th of October 2012

Dear Cassi,

       

In all the idiotic things I’ve done in my life talking to Turtle Nose’s friends had to rank in the top ten. A fellow

who said he knows and has no like for you tried to get me to patch things up with our Testudines snozed mistake.

       

He went and contacted Turtle Nose who said he had no idea why our friendship ended. This a recant from earlier statements and an out and out lie. Well, lies are what he’s made of and I expected no less.

       

I told our messenger that I wanted to play a game. This game is called Yes, And, or Bullshit. Well, we got trough one round and I had to call bullshit. Turtle Nose put out as reasons for the end of our friendship that he had moved in with that long haired ashtray, that he had sexual relations with someone I knew, or that he had ‘forced cleanliness on my home’.

       

As I hadn’t remembered the first, didn’t know of the

second, and the third is just not true none of these could even be possibilities for the end of our friendship. Given also that they did not happen in close proximity to the events in question it makes no sense that he even looked to them. I believe that he knows good and well what he had done and as he said in the past he “Knew it was more than that” in regard to it being his refusal to get my name right.

       

I will grant you now the pain is gone and the anger fuels me. It fuels me like coal to a steam engine. It sets me in a motion that will serve me well in the coming time. The transgressions put against me are not a gifts or blessings, but they can serve a purpose just the same.

Find your fuel, little sister,

Richard Leland Neal

A Scar to Open

18^th April 2012

Dear Cassi,

Well, I have a scar to open and a bit of business to get out of my guts. Emotional scars are just like real ones in that regard. They can leave things in you that will keep you sick for years if you fail to get the whole bit out.

       

You will recall that it was at a very dark moment in my life that I last talked to Turtle Nose. I was soon to lose my job but had worked my last day with the company. My world was collapsing in on itself and hearing from that fellow was the last thing I wanted to happen to me.

       

Well, depression kept me from writing an accurate letter. The account was just too jarring for me to finish. There is a good amount of shame in my chest for those actions and even now recalling them is not easy.

       

You may remember that it was more than a month after the fact when I wrote you of what had happened. The one thing I left out that I had to say was that my last words to Turtle Nose were “Do you really think you can lie to me after all these years?” I know I’ve forgotten something he said in there somewhere but I recall that one question that I had omitted from my letter on the subject.

       

The pain that comes to me is that I knew he was a liar and never called him on it until then. Here was a thing that put so little value on our friendship that he would not get my name right. He expected me to put up with every bit of crap he sent my way and he thought that I believed his bull all this time.

       

I’m disappointed in myself, Cassi, disappointed that I let this business go on for so long and disappointed that I called so poor a quality of folks my friends who would walk away from me so easily.

Cast out the lies, little sister

Richard Leland Neal

Sad Little Lies

28^th December 2011

Dear Cassi,

    

Do you ever recall from your youth one of the more obvious lies you were told? After my parent’s divorce every other weekend my father would come over and sometimes he would take us to the “park.” What he meant by the park was the playground of the local grade school where we would find ourselves the only weekend visitors.

    

To this day I still think of parks as rather lonely places. I have no memory of children laughing and playing in them. Then, by the time I went to school laughter wasn’t something I was known for given my depression.

    

I do recall asking what the school building was before I turned five but I have no memory of what my father said. The old man said a lot of things designed to screw with me and that idea that messing with kid’s heads is funny never got old for him.

    

Why we insist on lying to children I have never been able to understand. I never believed in Santa or the Easter Bunny, and I never put teeth under my pillow. You could say that I had a bad childhood, I would, but would it have been made better by these lies? Can there truly be all that much wrong with being honest and clear to the young?

    

Today week keep our children as fools unaware of that the world is like, but when do they grow up to learn the truth? The truth is ugly, and the tender nature of children should be spared that grief. Still, need we lie; need we paint the world in rosy tones so that as they age they can see those tones fade into the dim of reality?

    

If we spent all the effort put into the lies of our world to making reality better we could have a world with brightness. Once more, if we banished from our lives those sad little lies we always tell ourselves maybe we would be better to one another.

Stay safe, Cassi,

Richard Leland Neal